My apologies that this recap is a day late. As you can tell, Comic-Con has pretty much dominated my existence lately.
Ok. First things first. I almost had a heart attack and died when Jessica appeared to Jason in that dream sequence. Jason wasn’t the only one who wanted Hoyt to get the $%#& out of there. It was so close! I think we all need to pull together now, as a team, and do the right thing. If you want to help, please make your checks out to the “Deborah Ann Woll needs to put it on the record” fund, c/o fogsmoviereviews.com. We’ll do our best to make sure the money gets to where it can do the most good.
Aside from that, my sympathy for Jason is low.
Ok, just when I think that Sam’s brother Tommy is the dumbest character in the history of dumb characters, he goes ahead and does something smart. He drives up to Sam’s with two dead bodies in the car (dumb) but then when Jonesing Andy Bellefleur is about to catch them “red-handed” (Is that where that phrase comes from? Bloody hands? I feel like a moron myself for just figuring that out now), he does something clever by turning into a Gator and frightening him off. It’s a good thing Andy wasn’t so hopped up he decided to rip that Gator’s jaws apart with his bare hands or something.
So now that Tommy’s killed a shifter, he can transform into human form. How long does Hoyt’s mama have to live once he figures that out? A day or two? LOL. You can see it coming… you don’t have to be Nostradamus!
I knew all along that Evil Demon Baby wasn’t going to fall for any of that singing and clapping nonsense. I mean, Tara’s mom and her preacher husband weren’t exactly Merrin and Karras, you know what I’m sayin’? I don’t believe any of this “It’s actually a Ghost” shit either. I recognize an Evil Demon Baby when I see one!
Someone shows up on Alcide’s doorstep looking to collect Werewolf Union Dues. I was like, yeah yeah yeah, can we get back to True Blood now, please?
Lafayette and Jesus go out to visit Grandpa Brujo. I’ll tell you, birthday’s really sucked when Jesus was young. I mean, when I was young, I got pissed if I got the wrong Star Wars toy. At least I didn’t have to stab goats and lick their blood off the knife, damnnnnnn… The other member of their triumvirate, Tara, finally confesses to Sookie that she’s got a girlfriend, but I think she leaves out the part where she’s been cage fighting. I have a hard time imagining that Little Miss Moral Condescension would just gloss over that one. “Oh, you’re a cage fighter now? How cool!” LOL. I can’t picture that at all.
Speaking of Little Miss Sunshine, She and Eric finally kiss. It’s ten times lamer than I ever thought possible. At first I thought “Mind Wiped Eric” was fun. Now I want old Eric back, and pronto. Especially because “Mind Wiped Eric” is really “Mind Wiped Wussy Eric”. During Godrick’s brief, dream sequence return, I was rooting for him to drain Sookie just like he did her Faerie Godmother (“You killed my Faerie Godmother!!”), no dice though. I guess I had better just get used to this Sookie chick, huh? LOL.
And finally, we have King Bill Compton, Zombie Faced Pam, and Marnie, the Forgetful Witch of the South. King Bill sends his non Vampire hit squad to capture Marnie, and they succeed. To bad his glamour only succeeds in discovering she has early onset Alzheimer’s. “How do you cook scrambled Eggs??” Marnie… “I don’t know, they just show up on my plate with a little ketchup on them!!” Meanwhile, Pam is literally falling to pieces upstairs. It gives her an excuse to be bitchier than ever, but I hope she gets cured. I like hot Pam better.
Dog the Bounty Hunter Bill is not. He’s assembled the other Vampire Sheriffs in order to find Eric, while all along Eric’s playing sleepover at Sookies. If you ever get lost or abducted, I think Bill is the last person you’d ever want trying to track you down. Regardless, now that he knows, he’s racing off to Sookie’s. I wonder what Little Miss Sunshine would have to say if she knew about his Incest Advocate Girlfriend. LOL. Gawd.
Well, that’s it for this week, again my apologies I didn’t have this up yesterday! Let me hear what you thought of this episode in the comments!!