When we last left Bon Temps, the “V Team” was just rolling out of their van, packing some major league ordinance. And that’s right where this episode picks up. Pam asks, “Can we blow up these Wiccan dipshits already?” and I couldn’t agree with her more. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be so simple though.
Inside “The Hotel California”, Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso briefly springs out of Marnie, after Marnie kills one of her disciples/hostages. Lafayette then delivers what has to be considered one of the frontrunners for “Best line of this season”.
“Oh, shit. Marnie just puked a bitch out!”
Immediately afterwards, he enters Whoopie Goldberg mode, interpreting the action for the rest of the Sookie Doo gang. Isn’t much to tell though, as it isn’t long before Marnie sucks Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso back down like an ectoplasmic bong hit.
Pam sums up Sookie nicely by calling her a “Gash in a Sundress”. But Jason is able to use the fact that she’s trapped inside to talk the vamps into aborting the assault. With the bazookas at least. The “V Team” still hang around, just beyond the Vampire force field. They have to give Jesus more time! After they turn Marnie’s Vampire Zombies into pepperoni pizza purée, Bill calls Marnie out to parley.
Thank God for Pam. In what has to be the most ludicrous moment in True Blood’s lengthy litany of ludicrous moments, Bill and Eric both agree to commit suicide if Marnie will let Sookie go. I was dumbfounded that that got out of the writer’s room. Pam, however, turns out to be the voice of reason. “The True Death to save Bo Peep? I don’t $&%#in’ think so!” Whereupon she busts out the Bazooka!! Fire in the hole!! Now, I don’t think Bill would have gone through with his end anyways, he did have a twitchy smile when he was about to kill Eric. But did anyone actually think they would be dumb enough to do that? Was Sookie even in danger from Marnie? You know, aside from the fact that Marnie’s a bit unstable around cutlery?
Its all ok though, in the aftermath of the explosion, Jessica has to give Jason a whole boatload of her blood. I smell smuuussh uppppps! Too bad freakin’ Marnie makes the vamps do the hokie pokie towards the force field right after. They have to give Jesus more time!
Does anybody else get pissed when Sookie uses her “powers”? I swear, every time she does, I’m like, why didn’t you do that two hours ago? It’s ok, Marnie put her in the burnin’ ring of fire… That was some baaaad acting in that CGI fire, Anna. Eesh. I know you were twelve when you won your Oscar, but seriously. Come on.
Meanwhile, this whole time, Jesus and Lafayette have been brewing up some Brujo brew. Once they finally get done with it, Jesus breaks out the witch doctor face, breathes some fire, and releases Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso’s spirit for good. Farewell, Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso. You’ll be missed. I mean it. I think next season’s going to be about Faeries…
How AWESOME was it to see good ol’ Eric back in action? Ripping that redneck’s heart out of his chest, sucking on an artery like it was a straw, right in front of Marnie’s face? That was fantastic. After, Bill fills Marnie with more bullets than Sonny Corleone. It was good to see her get what was coming to her, but it turns out she’s not gone! She gives Lafayette a big “possession” bong hit at the end of the episode and now it looks like she’ll be back! That’s ok, she’s probably one of the series’ best major villains, I don’t mind an encore.
In other Bon Temps news:
Sam’s a runt, huh? Still kicked Marcus’ ass though. Gets a little assist from Alcide at the end there though. After Marcus is dead, Alcide gives Debbie Hairy the “piss off” in Wolf-speak. I guess Were-couples have a ritual for breaking up. Reminded me of Steve Martin’s “I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee,” except without throwing dog poop on her shoes.
Jonesing Andy Bellefluer is having a nice walk, detoxing from V, talking to himself, minding his own business, when he gets attacked by a $&%#ing faerie. I hate those things already. Andy doesn’t though, he gets some!! After Mirella pulls some ET shit on him, he gets it on with her!
Just ONE episode left this season, True Blood fans! Next week is the Season Four season finale! Now’s the time to put your predictions out there… Next time I post the Bon Temps Weekly Gazette, the season will be over!
Let me hear what you think!!