Since I started this blog in June, I’ve made every effort to hit at least the biggest release of each week and post up a review before the weekend was over.
This weekend, though, the biggest new release will be “Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 1″ and I wanted to briefly explain why I won’t be reviewing it, and get my plans on the record here.
I’ve never seen a “Twilight” movie. Pre-blog, I used to watch a ton of movies but I had options… if something didn’t appeal to me, I just didn’t go. (I could still do that now of course, but you know what I’m saying). As these films obviously weren’t for me, I stayed away. Simple as that.
Now that I’m blogging though, I do feel a little bad for not “Scouting this out” for people, but I also feel like I need to fill that gaping hole in my pop culture/movie knowledge. So the idea came to me a while back (some of you may have seen this already) to fill that knowledge gap AND have a shameless stunt for the sake of the blog, both at the same time.
All five “Twilight” movies – the entire saga – in one day.
Yup. You heard right. That’s back to back to back to back to back “Twilight” movies. Should take 10-12 hours I figure with pausing to write occasionally, eating, bathroom breaks, changing movies etc. We’ll work out the rules as we go, there’s no way to do a “Chick Flick City” level running diary of five movies in one day, it would just take to long. But I’m in. I’m gonna do it. That’s some comedy fodder right there folks, and I’m just the guy to do it.
The first week the inevitable Blu Ray boxset is released, I’ll pick it up and that Saturday will be the day. Barring holidays and MAJOR personal events, we have a target date.
It’s way down the road. WAYYYY off. But I thought putting it out there 1) Explains why no “Twilight” review this weekend (or next November) 2) Helps support the fact that I intend to be in this for the long haul. FMR will still be here, going strong, 16 months from now or so 3) It’s never too early to promote a stupid stunt.
Until then, I’m pretty much going to abstain from mocking what I haven’t seen. It’s hypocritical. The marketing is cringe worthy, they have horrible word of mouth, and the panel I sat through at Comic-Con to get to “Avatar” was borderline insufferable. But for all I know, this could be a series where I decide to take one of my patented renegade stands. At the least, I know it would be pretty funny if I wound up getting into them, so trust me, I wouldn’t hide such a thing. If anything, I would play it up. So I know at least I’ll keep my policy of “complete honesty” when I head into these.
So that’s it, that’s the big announcement. If anyone has anything to say about the plan, or the series in general, post it up, but – and I do feel a little silly saying this, but – no spoilers. I’m trying as best I can to stay clueless until I see them – even though MANY major plot points have already made their way into my awareness.
One of the nice benefits about focusing largely on out-of-theatre movies is that I feel no obligation whatsoever to watch something like this.
You’re a brave man, Fogs. Hopefully you still will be afterwards.
I have to say, I’ve certainly prejudged the work, based on the plot details that I have heard about it. It may not be fair. In fact, I’ve seen from more than one unexpected source that the movies aren’t as dire as I’d be inclined to think. But I’m still betting I’d find them unbearable.
Yeah, odds on me approving of them are low.
Still, I’m going for it. It’s a far flung future event, but I’m writing it down now. It’ll happen.
At the very least, it’ll drive search engine traffic to your blog.
Now that’s dedication to the blog! I’m sure your write up (whatever day it happens) will live forever, with biting satire, transforming opinions, and sending all other reviews to the dogs. No doubt your review will sparkle as you have your day in the sun!
Good luck!
God. Just hearing the word “Sparkle” made me wonder what I’m doing.
Maybe you should read the first chapter of the Twilight book first and see if you can put it down.
Nope. I’m locked in now, baby. It is ON THE RECORD.
Ya know, Dan, when you are done with that Blu-ray set, which I am sure you will never watch again, you could always send it to your “other” sister out here in the wilds of Ohio
Ha!
Its all still open! They may wind up my favorite movies ever!
I just fell out of my chair laughing at that comment!!
You could watch the Rifftrax versions instead, you know. You might actually survive that. I’m… I’m… I’m worried about you bud. Grown men have been driven to eating glass after only the first movie… and from what I’ve heard, they dont actually improve as they go along. This is the cinematic equivalent of Igor drilling a hole in his head.
You mean Egon. And that would have worked if Peter hadn’t stopped him.
That would have worked if you hadn’t stopped me.
GOD DAMN IT CO!! LOL
You literally beat me to that by SECONDS!!
Couldn’t believe it. I posted my comment and TWO comments appeared I read yours I was like, What? NOOOO HE BEAT ME TO IT!!!
Too fun. Too much fun…
You’ve got to be quick!
But I’m sure that you’ll beat me to all the Twilight quotes.
All I can say, in complete honesty…… IS….. you are my hero!! I will leave it at that!
Ha. I dont know how heroic It’ll be. But ask me again around film three. Maybe I will feel as though I’m facing the Twelve Labors of Hercules though, who knows.
Film three? How about 25 minutes into film one?
Seriously, you’ll be wishing you had Micky and his Venus Fly Lobster before anyone even glitters.
I still have to work this all out.
Maybe I should work on a catchphrase like “Oh God what have I gotten myself into?” or something, and everyone can have a pool about how far in it is before I use it. LOL!
Dan, Dan, Dan…don’t think I can say much more than that w/o a spoiler
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make it through. The site’ll survive, too. I’ll line up like MTESS: Citizen Kane for the next day or something in order to balance the Force.
A vampire and a werewolf both falls in love with the same zombie. There, plot explained.
LOL!!!!!!
THAT’S funny.
If only it were that amazing.
The music in New Moon is amazing…. that’s the one positive thing i have to say about the entire series.
I had the intention to go check out the movie in theater this morning but then I woke up and didn’t feel like it anymore so I will probably wait for the DVD to review it. Personally, I find all the unintentional comedy in the series to be hilarious. However, watching all of them in some sort of marathon is sick ahah. It’s probably going to be dull city for you.
I’ll find a way to make it a fun read.
My suffering will be other’s gain. You can trust me on that one.
Brave or foolish. I can’t quite decide.
Foolish, for sure.
Glad you said it
Seriously though, why on earth are you putting yourself through all of this!? Insanity!
I dunno Jaina… Cause its funny and I’m a clown? That’s literally the closest thing I can think of. Plus. Like em or hate em, those movie are popular, so maybe there’s some new visitors who’ll come by and check it out.
Honestly. It’s ONE DAY… how bad can it be.
More or less, that’s my plan: Netflix the whole series at once and play a Twilight-themed drinking game with 9-1-1 pre-dialed. (Drink whenever Bella looks “longingly” at Edward! Drink whenever Edward broods! Drink if Jacob has no shirt on! Drink every time Taylor Lautner tries to “act”!)
I think my major problem with Meyers’ characters and world– based on my explorations into the first book, which includes a LOT of skimming– is that her principles aren’t characters. (I mean, NONE of the characters are actually characters, but I digress.) Edward’s defined only by the fact that he can’t resist Bella; Bella’s defined by the fact that she unfailingly smolders for Edward. Removed from each other they’re just conglomerates of attributes of convenience– Bella’s smart, quirky, or shy as the situation demands. Edward’s charming, brooding, demure, or dangerous as the situation demands. They don’t have firm anchors. They’re practically ciphers. Frankly that says a lot about how Meyers sees the world, which really disturbs me in light of the fact that she’s so widely read.
Dude!! I thought I was crazy!! Don’t play that game, it could kill you!!
I’m shaking my head thinking of this as a drinking game.
Meanwhile, as the old saying goes “there’s no accounting for taste”. Which is a truism I’m banking on for the success of my blog.
don’t do it man! haha! for the love of all that is sane and sacred, don’t do it! haha
You better send me your address so I know where to send the paramedics to save you from your self-induced coma!
I will bear the ring to Mordor…
Heheh. Ohh, God.
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