Ok. So. “Bridget Jones’s Diary” huh?
Here’s what I know going in, which isn’t much. There’s some kind of love triangle (Dan Fogarty, movie poster detective!), she’s British, and Renée Zellweger gained like thirty pounds for the part. Which they made a big deal of – but she looks better here than in any other role, so I think it’s just a function of Hollywood starlets being dumb and too thin to begin with anyways.
Oh, and Hugh Grant got busted with a hooker. THAT I know! LOL, Huuuuugh!
So let’s do this thing! “Chick Flick City”, here we come!!
And… We’re off.
Miramax, huh? Wish “Pulp Fiction” was coming up instead…
Snow, a British accent and she’s already judging her entire life around not having a mate. Not even two minutes in and I’m squirmy. At the sign post up ahead, you’re entering “Chick Flick City”.
Why did I love the British lingo in “Attack the Block” and “Four Lions”, but here I want to jump out of a car?
WTF is a gherkin?
She smokes and drinks though? Ok, I can relate to this chick.
LOL she just overheard Colin Firth talking horribly about her. I’m in. Took three minutes and I’m calling myself an ass for not having seen this movie before this.
Now she’s drinking by herself and singing in her pajamas. LOL 10 years ago this chick would have been my “perfect match” on match.com
I think her list of men she vows not to date (alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts) eliminates me seven out of eight different ways, though.
Aretha Franklin adds goodness to any situation.
Ouch. That doesn’t though (her singing Karaoke).
So are the men in this flick all assholes or gay? That’s a chick flick universe right there when that happens.
Wait. Did she just get sexually harassed by her boss? Well now. “Like your tits in that top”… Ok, guess that removed any momentary doubt I might have had. AND he grabs her ass in the elevator. When was this movie made? Can I get a job at that company?
“Kafka’s Motorbike”? LOL ok, that’s funny. And I also appreciate “James Gunn” being played as she gets ready.
Wow. This movie’s got some “racy” to it. Can’t believe she just said that…
She is awfully awkward isn’t she? Her little speech here introducing Mr. Fitzherbert was painful. Of course, Hugh Grant scoops her up anyways. He’s a playa. Sensed a moment of weakness. It’s on page three of the “Playa’s Manual.” Chapter one level stuff…
Am I only only person out there who liked Hugh Grant better after he got caught with a hooker?
Paused. Hugh Grant just asked her to come back for sex. She says no, something about getting a cab… I paused it quickly. $100 says in the next two seconds they quick cut to them hooking up.
No quick cut. They went for the “Sensual” instead. Still…
Invoking Marvin Gaye. That’s in chapter two of the “Playa’s Manual”.
Happy Bridget! She just needed a proper Rodgering! Is that the way to say it in Brit slang?
When she answers the phone “Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess” there was no one else POSSIBLE it could have been on the phone other than her Mother.
Her parents are getting divorced. The dad has a great line when he calls the other dude a “Tangerine Tinted Buffoon”! LOL
Has Zellweger already started “having some work done” by this flick? I swear, in “Appaloosa” I couldn’t even look at her. Every now and then here I pick up something mildly… off.
Hm. A late sixties Mercedes Benz 280 convertible. In powder blue. If you’ve got one of those you can $&#%ing WRITE the “Playa’s Manual”. He could get into MY pants with that car.
She’s quite the unglamorous chick flick protagonist, isn’t she? I like it.
Ok. She probably winds up with Colin Firth at the end of this, because that’s what my Spider Sense tells me. But 1/3 of the way in (they’re checking in to the hotel…) my question is… Why? He’s a total prick to this point.
Alright, alright. Playboy Bunny outfit! I miss “The Playboy Club” already… Mmm Amber Heard.
LOL. No one else is wearing a costume. Ha ha ha… Didn’t see that comin’!
So her Dad’s in a priest outfit and the phrase “Vicars and Tarts” party just registered with me. Those Brits are sick. LOL. I approve. Reminds me of the Halloween party where… well, let’s just say I’m assuredly going to Hell and leave it at that.
Colin sourpuss Firth shows up again. Why would I want them to hook up? Obviously Grant’s not going to be good for her, but this guy’s “plan b”?
Hugh Grant just got bagged with another chick over. With that car? What does she expect? Didn’t she ever see his multiple copies of the “Playa’s Manual” hanging around? Honestly. We can’t be expected to feel sorry for her right now, right? He never even gave her the fake “I love you” (chapter four)… She got off easy.
Aw. Sad bunny. Still shoulda seen it comin’.
Yes! Fatal Attraction! And a National Geographic about lions having sex! SUCH bad choices! Reminds me of my first Friday night of sobriety when I rented a double feature of “Clean and Sober” and “Leaving Las Vegas”… Good times!
Ok, I need to stop writing these columns. “Chick Flick City” is making me gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… except for me. I swear, Hugh Grant’s other chick was leaning over his desk and Bridget’s looking in at them all sad and whatnot and my thought was, “That girl’s not prettier than her, she just has better hair.” Who am I and what did I do with Fogs?
Wow! Hugh Grant is engaged? LOL When did he work that in? Pla-ya!
Yesssssssss Bridget! She’s drinking til she passes out, wait… Aww. Am I messed up that I’m more attracted to her as a drunken mess than this exercise biking, self help reading, healthier Bridget?
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Take care, TCB! (sockittome, sockittome, sockittome, sockittome, sockittome)
Time to be on tv! Ohhh. That went swimmingly. She cracked me up though rewinding her upskirt ass shot sliding down the fire pole. Heh.
There’s some authenticity though. She goes to a party with all the couples. And shes the only person not attached at the hip like a siamese twin. That’s a single persons experience fo sho.
Colin Firth. Still not smiling. I hope I’m wrong and she winds up with Hugh Grant. Ok, here he comes down the stairs. This must be where he starts to stop being a prick. He’s not doing a very good job of it.
Van Morrison now? Ladies… You know how to pick em! An R&B heavy soundtrack with a touch of soul? The soundtrack for this flick is worth half a grade alone.
I love how suddenly Bridget is just this TV personality overnight. Im going to do that next week. Why not, right?
Wow. Don’t need to hear about her Mom having sex.
So… Colin Firth is in wooing mode, and he’s still a total tool. I’m hoping I was wrong. Matter of fact, I have to have been wrong, right? Runtime 1:03:29… 2/3rds of the way through. Too early for a happy ending, so NEW THEORY. These two get it on, but he’s a boring tool, and Hugh Grant dumps his fiancé and is all like “Bridget I love you”, except for real and not in a “Playa’s Manual” kind of way.
I’m going to wind up
pirating buying this soundtrack after this. Who is this that sounds like Corinne Bailey Rae now?
Yup, and half drunk Hugh Grant shows up again as they’re all eating blue soup. I swear I’m not going back and editing things in. Although I wouldn’t hesitate to do that and not tell you at some future point. But I’m not now. Anyways I’m rooting for Hugh Grant, not just because his name is Daniel and he drives a convertible, either.
Cmon, Hugh… The guy asked you to step outside. What do you think that means man? Take your hands out of your pockets at least. He just got punched straight in the face. Roll with it at least!
TWICE! I had had it paused to write that last blurb. If he gets punched again when I unpause this time, he’s lost my vote.
Waaiiiiitaminute… WTF is this now? The most embarrassing fight scene ever, set to “It’s Raining Men”, featuring my dog in the fight getting punched straight in the face like four times without a single sidestep or block? Oh, my god. Remember when Van Morrison came on and I was like “Up half a letter grade!” This movie just crashed like the Stock market after a Greek bond default announcement. Good LORD…
Ugh. Bridget and Smiley Firth just chewed each other out after the fight, and now I think they’re going to wind up together.
That’s ok because I just revoked Hugh Grant’s membership to the “Playas” (I still have pull) a) For being a disgrace to men in that “fight” and b) suddenly forgetting every lesson in the “Playa’s Manual” and hitting on Bridget with “If I can’t make it with you, I can’t make it with anyone”. Nice line, Romeo! If you follow that up with “Hey, you were a decent lay” and/or “if you lost ten pounds you’d be really pretty”, you’ll have her at your feet!!
BUGGER OFF!! Is she drinking again? And smoking… I like this chick so much more than other chick flick heroines!
Her Dad just takes her Mom back right away? Earlier I wrote, “So are the men in this flick all assholes or gay?” I should add wussies to that list.
LOL. Ok, ok, evidently I’m not half the tough guy I act, because… well, let’s just say I’m glad there were no cameras going when “Ain’t No Mountain Enough” kicked in. REAL glad.
I STILL don’t get it. Is she interested in sourpuss again? Is that the appeal of this flick, that she’s all over the place and doesn’t know what she wants? Cause I don’t get it. Plus she throws herself at him in the coat room (emotionally) and he bails.
Now HE’S getting married. Or… Not… Bridget, what do you have to say? Good grief. People around her must think she’s mentally challenged. LOL. Regardless, go get her Colin. Good Grief again! He lets her go?? Why do chicks like this movie? I just want Bridget to be happy!
Bahhhh. I dunno. She and sourpuss are getting kissey in the snow, and I’m unimpressed. Back upstairs now, is she bailing? No… Panty changing. Atta girl. Meanwhile, Firth the Mirth starts reading her diary, and reads the gherkin comment (which thanks to Dictionary.com I now know is the small, immature fruit of a variety of cucumber, used in pickling) and… He’s off again.
They should have saved “Ain’t No Mountain Enough” for this scene (where she runs after him in her panties in the snow) instead of playing it twice. I didn’t quite have the same exuberant reaction when I heard it for the second time in ten minutes as I did when it caught me off guard. LOL
Did he just smile there? I coulda sworn he smiled.
So, she gets her man, a new diary, and they kiss in the snow as Van Morrison sings us out. I’d have liked it better if Firth’s character was half as lively as Bridget, instead of being a frowning stiff. But all in all, it was a funny movie, with a GREAT central character and lots of laughs. Plus an AWESOME soundtrack. How am I supposed to not listen to Van the Man right now? Exactly.
An excellent movie, and another fun trip into “Chick Flick City”