Chick Flick City: “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

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Ok. So. “Bridget Jones’s Diary” huh?

Here’s what I know going in, which isn’t much. There’s some kind of love triangle (Dan Fogarty, movie poster detective!), she’s British, and Renée Zellweger gained like thirty pounds for the part. Which they made a big deal of – but she looks better here than in any other role, so I think it’s just a function of Hollywood starlets being dumb and too thin to begin with anyways.

Oh, and Hugh Grant got busted with a hooker. :D THAT I know! LOL, Huuuuugh!

So let’s do this thing! “Chick Flick City”, here we come!!

And… We’re off.

Miramax, huh? Wish “Pulp Fiction” was coming up instead…

Snow, a British accent and she’s already judging her entire life around not having a mate. Not even two minutes in and I’m squirmy. At the sign post up ahead, you’re entering “Chick Flick City”.

Why did I love the British lingo in “Attack the Block” and “Four Lions”, but here I want to jump out of a car?

WTF is a gherkin?

She smokes and drinks though? Ok, I can relate to this chick.

LOL she just overheard Colin Firth talking horribly about her. I’m in. Took three minutes and I’m calling myself an ass for not having seen this movie before this.

Now she’s drinking by herself and singing in her pajamas. LOL 10 years ago this chick would have been my “perfect match” on match.com

I think her list of men she vows not to date (alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts) eliminates me seven out of eight different ways, though.

Aretha Franklin adds goodness to any situation.

Ouch. That doesn’t though (her singing Karaoke).

BALTAR!

So are the men in this flick all assholes or gay? That’s a chick flick universe right there when that happens.

Wait. Did she just get sexually harassed by her boss? Well now. “Like your tits in that top”… Ok, guess that removed any momentary doubt I might have had. AND he grabs her ass in the elevator. When was this movie made? Can I get a job at that company?

“Kafka’s Motorbike”? LOL ok, that’s funny. And I also appreciate “James Gunn” being played as she gets ready.

Wow. This movie’s got some “racy” to it. :D Can’t believe she just said that…

She is awfully awkward isn’t she? Her little speech here introducing Mr. Fitzherbert was painful. Of course, Hugh Grant scoops her up anyways. He’s a playa. Sensed a moment of weakness. It’s on page three of the “Playa’s Manual.” Chapter one level stuff…

Am I only only person out there who liked Hugh Grant better after he got caught with a hooker?

Paused. Hugh Grant just asked her to come back for sex. She says no, something about getting a cab… I paused it quickly. $100 says in the next two seconds they quick cut to them hooking up.

No quick cut. They went for the “Sensual” instead. Still…

Invoking Marvin Gaye. That’s in chapter two of the “Playa’s Manual”.

Happy Bridget! She just needed a proper Rodgering! Is that the way to say it in Brit slang?

When she answers the phone “Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess” there was no one else POSSIBLE it could have been on the phone other than her Mother.

Her parents are getting divorced. The dad has a great line when he calls the other dude a “Tangerine Tinted Buffoon”! LOL

Has Zellweger already started “having some work done” by this flick? I swear, in “Appaloosa” I couldn’t even look at her. Every now and then here I pick up something mildly… off.

Hm. A late sixties Mercedes Benz 280 convertible. In powder blue. If you’ve got one of those you can $&#%ing WRITE the “Playa’s Manual”. He could get into MY pants with that car.

She’s quite the unglamorous chick flick protagonist, isn’t she? I like it.

Ok. She probably winds up with Colin Firth at the end of this, because that’s what my Spider Sense tells me. But 1/3 of the way in (they’re checking in to the hotel…) my question is… Why? He’s a total prick to this point.

Alright, alright. Playboy Bunny outfit! I miss “The Playboy Club” already… Mmm Amber Heard.

LOL. No one else is wearing a costume. Ha ha ha… Didn’t see that comin’!

So her Dad’s in a priest outfit and the phrase “Vicars and Tarts” party just registered with me. Those Brits are sick. LOL. I approve. Reminds me of the Halloween party where… well, let’s just say I’m assuredly going to Hell and leave it at that.

Colin sourpuss Firth shows up again. Why would I want them to hook up? Obviously Grant’s not going to be good for her, but this guy’s “plan b”?

Hugh Grant just got bagged with another chick over. With that car? What does she expect? Didn’t she ever see his multiple copies of the “Playa’s Manual” hanging around? Honestly. We can’t be expected to feel sorry for her right now, right? He never even gave her the fake “I love you” (chapter four)… She got off easy.

Aw. Sad bunny. Still shoulda seen it comin’.

Yes! Fatal Attraction! And a National Geographic about lions having sex! SUCH bad choices! Reminds me of my first Friday night of sobriety when I rented a double feature of “Clean and Sober” and “Leaving Las Vegas”… Good times!

Ok, I need to stop writing these columns. “Chick Flick City” is making me gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… except for me. I swear, Hugh Grant’s other chick was leaning over his desk and Bridget’s looking in at them all sad and whatnot and my thought was, “That girl’s not prettier than her, she just has better hair.” Who am I and what did I do with Fogs?

Wow! Hugh Grant is engaged? LOL When did he work that in? Pla-ya!

Yesssssssss Bridget! She’s drinking til she passes out, wait… Aww. Am I messed up that I’m more attracted to her as a drunken mess than this exercise biking, self help reading, healthier Bridget?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Take care, TCB! (sockittome, sockittome, sockittome, sockittome, sockittome)

Time to be on tv! Ohhh. That went swimmingly. She cracked me up though rewinding her upskirt ass shot sliding down the fire pole. Heh.

There’s some authenticity though. She goes to a party with all the couples. And shes the only person not attached at the hip like a siamese twin. That’s a single persons experience fo sho.

Colin Firth. Still not smiling. I hope I’m wrong and she winds up with Hugh Grant. Ok, here he comes down the stairs. This must be where he starts to stop being a prick. He’s not doing a very good job of it.

Van Morrison now? Ladies… You know how to pick em! An R&B heavy soundtrack with a touch of soul? The soundtrack for this flick is worth half a grade alone.

I love how suddenly Bridget is just this TV personality overnight. Im going to do that next week. Why not, right?

Wow. Don’t need to hear about her Mom having sex.

So… Colin Firth is in wooing mode, and he’s still a total tool. I’m hoping I was wrong. Matter of fact, I have to have been wrong, right? Runtime 1:03:29… 2/3rds of the way through. Too early for a happy ending, so NEW THEORY. These two get it on, but he’s a boring tool, and Hugh Grant dumps his fiancé and is all like “Bridget I love you”, except for real and not in a “Playa’s Manual” kind of way.

I’m going to wind up pirating buying this soundtrack after this. Who is this that sounds like Corinne Bailey Rae now?

Yup, and half drunk Hugh Grant shows up again as they’re all eating blue soup. I swear I’m not going back and editing things in. Although I wouldn’t hesitate to do that and not tell you at some future point. But I’m not now. Anyways I’m rooting for Hugh Grant, not just because his name is Daniel and he drives a convertible, either.

Cmon, Hugh… The guy asked you to step outside. What do you think that means man? Take your hands out of your pockets at least. He just got punched straight in the face. Roll with it at least!

TWICE! I had had it paused to write that last blurb. If he gets punched again when I unpause this time, he’s lost my vote.

Waaiiiiitaminute… WTF is this now? The most embarrassing fight scene ever, set to “It’s Raining Men”, featuring my dog in the fight getting punched straight in the face like four times without a single sidestep or block? Oh, my god. Remember when Van Morrison came on and I was like “Up half a letter grade!” This movie just crashed like the Stock market after a Greek bond default announcement. Good LORD

Ugh. Bridget and Smiley Firth just chewed each other out after the fight, and now I think they’re going to wind up together.

That’s ok because I just revoked Hugh Grant’s membership to the “Playas” (I still have pull) a) For being a disgrace to men in that “fight” and b) suddenly forgetting every lesson in the “Playa’s Manual” and hitting on Bridget with “If I can’t make it with you, I can’t make it with anyone”. Nice line, Romeo! If you follow that up with “Hey, you were a decent lay” and/or “if you lost ten pounds you’d be really pretty”, you’ll have her at your feet!!

BUGGER OFF!! Is she drinking again? And smoking… I like this chick so much more than other chick flick heroines! :D

Her Dad just takes her Mom back right away? Earlier I wrote, “So are the men in this flick all assholes or gay?” I should add wussies to that list.

LOL. Ok, ok, evidently I’m not half the tough guy I act, because… well, let’s just say I’m glad there were no cameras going when “Ain’t No Mountain Enough” kicked in. REAL glad.

I STILL don’t get it. Is she interested in sourpuss again? Is that the appeal of this flick, that she’s all over the place and doesn’t know what she wants? Cause I don’t get it. Plus she throws herself at him in the coat room (emotionally) and he bails.

Now HE’S getting married. Or… Not… Bridget, what do you have to say? Good grief. People around her must think she’s mentally challenged. LOL. Regardless, go get her Colin. Good Grief again! He lets her go?? Why do chicks like this movie? I just want Bridget to be happy!

Bahhhh. I dunno. She and sourpuss are getting kissey in the snow, and I’m unimpressed. Back upstairs now, is she bailing? No… Panty changing. Atta girl. Meanwhile, Firth the Mirth starts reading her diary, and reads the gherkin comment (which thanks to Dictionary.com I now know is the small, immature fruit of a variety of cucumber, used in pickling) and… He’s off again.

They should have saved “Ain’t No Mountain Enough” for this scene (where she runs after him in her panties in the snow) instead of playing it twice. I didn’t quite have the same exuberant reaction when I heard it for the second time in ten minutes as I did when it caught me off guard. LOL

Did he just smile there? I coulda sworn he smiled.

So, she gets her man, a new diary, and they kiss in the snow as Van Morrison sings us out. I’d have liked it better if Firth’s character was half as lively as Bridget, instead of being a frowning stiff. But all in all, it was a funny movie, with a GREAT central character and lots of laughs. Plus an AWESOME soundtrack. How am I supposed to not listen to Van the Man right now? Exactly.

An excellent movie, and another fun trip into “Chick Flick City”

Solid A

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Daniel Fogarty

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25 thoughts on “Chick Flick City: “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

  1. Woah, woah woah… A?!

    Fine, I can’t really judge until I’ve seen this film through my own eyes, but I kinda feel like I have after reading your review and yet I still can’t understand your grade!

    You c-razy!

    • It was fun. That would have made my top ten flicks this year if it had been released this year.

      Just cause I rag on it as I go doesn’t necessarily mean I dont like it. I’m trying to be funny.

      I didn’t like Colin Firth as her man… but I kind of thought that was more me personally than any quality of acting assessment.

      Why J, what would you give it… Oh… you havent seen it. Oh, yeah. Dont expect me to agree with myself from one sentence to the next… Pbbbt. LOL

      • So are you excitingly trying to find time to fit in watching the sequel? Waiting with baited breath for the 3rd outing?

        I know.. i make a rule that if I rag on a film, at some point I’ve got to justify my ragging with actually watching it. I’ve done that successfully with the first 2 Twilight films. Maybe I’ll get around to this one one day and be giving it a possible A-…?

      • DAMNNNN!!! Jaina’s a hater. Does this film have a bad rap that I was unaware of? I thought “Pop Culture” loved this movie? “Pop Culture” rags on Twilight as tripe…

        And no, I’ve heard the sequel was very disappointing, and people dont like what they did to her character, so I shan’t watch it, so there!

    • You know what? You’re right…

      I just reread it, and the fact I’m ragging on it throughout makes it come across as if I wasn’t liking it.

      I was basically just trying to be funny… and I guess sarcasm is my go to mechanism. What I need to do is do a stronger “Review blurb” at the end. That will help people get from point A to point B. I may go back to edit later. It was late, took longer then I thought.

      But youre right, for comedy purposes I was bagging on it, and I didnt compensate by really selling how much fun I was having with Zellwegger’s character, and Hugh Grant’s character, and all the music. It was very funny.

      In fact my only real complaint was that she feel for Firth, who was a real sourpuss. But I think the fact that I actually have an OPINION on who she chose speaks volumes to the rest of it.

  2. You didn’t know what a gherkin was? ;)

    Since I haven’t seen this movie, I was curious what it would be like to read a running commentary. With previous movies, I was re-living the scenes in my head as I read, and laughing along at all the inside jokes, doing a whole lot of, “oh yeah, that was a great part!” to myself…….I knew I was going to be reading it differently this time, I was wondering if I would feel a little out of the loop, having no previous exposure to it. (Truthfully, I didn’t know whether you’d be able to pull it off.)

    But I gotta say…….this read was entertaining as hell! Your writing style is great! I laughed so hard a few of your comments……

    As a chick, with an entire flock of chicks herself……I appreciate that you really go “all in” when you take a trip to CFC. I did fear (for a split second) you were turning a little fruity ……NOT that there is anything wrong with that ;) but, you really channeled your inner-chick and got pretty invested Bridget’s happiness, ……I was glad to see you snapped out of it before you figuratively castrated yourself! hahaha

    I will probably give this movie a look-see. :)

    • Yeah, this is a really good movie. I think maybe… Jaina’s got a point about my commentary (which is intentionally humorous) maybe not my supporting the grade? Like there’s a disconnect… But that may be a problem with this format. I’m not thinking about reviewing as I go, I’m just cracking jokes…

      Were I reviewing, I’d say Bridget is a GREAT character. Very fun, completely believeable, excellently portrayed… I liked her a lot! she may very well be one of my favorite movie females. Things like that need time to settle though. I need to ponder before including her in the same breath with Clarice Starling etc…

      The story is funny, and while definitely told from a female perspective, it’s not too “Fantasy Land” like say, the notebook.

      The men do not represent the male of the species well, but chick flick men never do…

      HIGHLY recommended Deb, its a very good movie.

  3. See I don’t look at the reviews the same way as an “avid movie-goer/critic” looks at them……I trust the reviews where I can relate to the reviewer. This sounds stupid, but I here’s what I mean…..

    1.) I am a joker and I ooze sarcasm: I read your blog b/c it entertains me. You’re clearly a guy who thrives on humor, you write like you speak, I don’t feel like I have wasted my time when I read your stuff.

    2.) I hate flowery language, I like straight shooters: When I read a “professional” critic review, I’m bored….I could give two shits about the lighting, or the way they captured the landscape perfectly as the fog lifted….symbolizing the character growth of the protagonist…” Blah Blah Blah

    3.) I am cheap (in the financial sense of the word): And ultimately I don’t want to spend my hard earned dollars on a movie that sucks.

    Your style makes you relate-able to the average person like me. When you can relate to someone, you earn their trust…..so when I see your grades on the reviews I don’t necessarily make the distinction between A+ and A- but what I do see is……. “Hey, I know you don’t really have a life because you are so busy….but if you get a chance to leave the house, go and check this movie out….”

    Here is my interpretation of your grading system:
    A range: worth the night prices
    B range: cheap seat theater at night or matinee
    C range: hopefully the library or a friend has it
    D: tolerable if it is on TV and you have to watch something while you fold the laundry
    F: Don’t bother

      • Clearly.

        LOL.

        Anyways, I think I HAVE a link to what my letter grades are supposed to “mean”, but in all honesty, thats the toughest part of this whole thing. People can relate to the letter grade and hone right in on it. So a lot of times they’ll focuc on IT rather than the 500 WORDS you say about the thing. LOL.

        And its a tough decision a lot of times too.

        Not here though. I think this is an easy movie to get behind.

        (Thanks as always for your support. :D BTW)

      • Yea, I read your grading system while back…..it’s solid! (I just dumbed it down even more for myself) :)

    • *like*

      Exactly the same reason why I like your reviews too Fogs! They’re not pretentious and they read like a person not an overly important movie critic.

      Though, I think deep inside, we all want to be an overly important movie critic ;)

      • “deep inside?”

        I thought I’ve been pretty upfront about my intentions to rule the world of online movie blogging one day… :D

        That’s what it says on my list of Goals for my blog… #1 Rule the World.

  4. I saw this movie a long time ago and really could not remember much of it. I do remember liking it, but couldn’t remember why. Running through it in this format, even with the humorous comentary, reminded me that I liked movie because of the Bridget Jones character. I think you mentioned that she is likable and you root for her well being. To really comment with feeling, I would have to watch it again, but I am afraid that’s not going to happen.

    • This one got past the goalie earlier Ray, sorry bout that.

      Yeah, not sure if a review would be in my future either, but I definitely might stop on it on one of those lazy days when its all I can do to just click through channels, let alone choose a DVD LOL

  5. This reviewis perfect! It’s solid gold. I’m so happy you liked Bridget and i absolutely loved reading your review, the running dialogr was so funny!
    I haven’t ever had more fun reading or listening to movie reviews, head and shoulders way above others I have read.

  6. Modern day woman. Modern day heroine. Does Bridget’s choice between Bon Vivant Hugh Grant or Brit Twit, stiff upper lip Colin Firth make her one but not the other? Is romance the only qualifier for chick flick(you mentioned Clarice Starling)? Is “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” a chick flick? In a week or so you’ll have the answer. Lisbeth Salander is modern day woman/heroine extraordinare. I hold high hopes but low expectations for the American version

    • I have High Hopes AND High Expectations for GWTDT. HIGH I expect nothing but awesomeness from Fincher.

      Meanwhile? As to what DEFINES a Chick Flick? Tough call…

      To me? Romance can be an element, but not all romances necessarily. It just has to be something in the marketing and/or that is obviously targeting and pandering to females. I think. Like “The Notebook” was a chick flick, with all the flowers and swans and rain, etc etc But like, When Harry Met Sally or The African Queen or Say Anything are not.

      Other good chick flick targets? Mother Daughter relationship films, movies about Horses, movies about illness, movies about weddings… Again, none of them are neccessailry “Automatically” chick flick, there just has to be the feel to it that – “We dont care if Men buy tickets”

  7. This was hi-LARIOUS to read! I can picture you sitting there typing away every minute or so in the film as you react to it!

    oh, and the “Spider Sense” line…you know I gotta mention that! Didn’t realize we was related, yo! haha.

    Good usage of the word “Playa” throughout this review…especially with the Marvin Gaye mention! That had me rollin’ fo sho!

    a very fun read, Dan! haha! What’s the next stop in Chick Flick city?

    • Oh yeah, pause button is workin’ overtime on these.

      Just checked the poll, and “Before Sunrise” took second place.

      It’ll be awhile though. Big plans through year end. LOL! :D

      Always fun man, always fun.

  8. Amaze synopsis of the movie – I think that deserves an IMDB entry, no?! Glad you liked it, as well as seeing the silliness to it. I loathe chick flicks, but this is a favourite. The first scene with Bridget going to her parents’ New Years lunch, “wearing a carpet” is hilarious.
    “Pam, gravy needs sieving”
    “Don’t be silly, just stir it Una”
    – it’s a common repeat in my house, whenever we’re making gravy. Thanks for the chuckle!

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