AULD LANG CYANIDE
(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)
Took one last trip into the megaplex
Before ’11 up and le-eaves
Told the girl who sold the tickets there
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”
I got a soda and I found a seat
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?
I really wish that people had more taste.
The Descendants! Theatre two!
The movie started and I tried to count
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy
I tried my best but I could not keep up
I lost track at twenty-five…
Each was stupid and complete nonsense.
These things don’t happen in real liiife…
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared
They all laughed, and I just cried.
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…
And if you think that sounds like overkill,
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!
But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,
And I don’t say this in je-est…
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!
Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two
The movie IS two hours loooong
But if you judged it by my audience,
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…
And so the movie was a painful thing
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…
It was obvious they didn’t care
But I wanted to scream out!
HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!
The man was Vito Corleoooone….
But the audience was into it,
My good taste… made me… a-lone….
(Sax Outro)
HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS
[voice=McKenzieBros]That right there… is a thing of beauty, man. I think it ranks up there with, like, Stairway to Heaven.[/voice]
Brilliant job, and I’m impressed you were able to work a review into the song like that. Your lines seem to be a bit broken up right now (formatting glitch), but I was able to figure it out.
Happy new year, man.
Happy new year!
Hope that’s not coming across for everyone… it looks fine here. I have to confess I am tinkering with the word wrap spacing in order to get single spacing here. If I use the return key it winds up double spacing and eight pages long to scroll through.
That would be what’s causing it, and I’m afraid it’ll probably be that way for anybody who isn’t at the exact same browser width as you. The double-spacing is something WP only does in Visual mode… it doesn’t do it in HTML mode. You can probably just edit and fix it there.
Better?
You got it.
You’re the man CO.
Probably should have just hit you up and asked if you knew the answer in the first place
As you can tell, I use the “For Dummies” side of the page creator.
Thanks for all your entertaining efforts this year. I hope you’re very pleased about it all, I know I am. Have a very Happy New Year and GO GIANTS!
Go Ginats… I’ll show you “Go Giants”
(starts seeking out a “ban” function)
LOL.
Haha. Well, Happy New Year?! Haha. Thanks for taking the bullet on this one. Too bad u had to end 2011 on that note but there’s better films to come. It seems the more actors there are in a film lately increases the level of the films’ suckiness. Ha.
If that’s true? Than this would be one of the suckiest films of all time!
And, it’s not. But it probably is one of the most vapid this year, thats for sure
Ahaaha awesome way to review a movie Dan! You never cease to amaze me. No way I ever give this a watch, it looks horrendous.
Happy new year good sir
It’s so vapid.
In this movie’s world, New Years Eve is freaking magic. Everything that happens is ridiculous…
Insipid.
Anyways, glad you enjoyed
And have a happy new year yourself buddy!!
Hilarious review! Creative as usual…..I decided to heed your advice and not make the husband suffer through it. I am sure he would thank you if he could…..
A happy healthy, safe, and blessed new year to you my friend!
Yeaaah. Debbie’s back!
Hope you had a nice Holiday Deb.
Awww…. you missed me? haha
Holidays were great…..crazy and chaotic, but I wouldn’t change a thing about them!
(I do have lots of catching up to do on this blog tho!!!)
Surrrre we did!
And yeah, these past couple of weeks have been “Major”ly busy. LOL, You’ll have a lot to keep you busy if you like.
Clever, trippy! Not sure what this is but I love it!
Alternate lyrics to the song, buddy. LOL. I guess it helps if you knew the song going in.
Plus it was AT New Years, so I’m sure that song was on a lot.
Oh my god that is too funny!!
LOL. Glad you approve. I know I had fun with it.