The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Actor

Alright boys and girls. Hold your nose, here it goes.

Time to award the 2011 MAJOR Award for Worst Actor.

These five clowns really disgraced themselves this year. Lackluster efforts, garbagey characters, gawd awful attempts at comedy…  each of these hacks gave new meaning to the term “epic fail”.

Your Nominees are: Nicolas Cage, “Season of the Witch”, Taylor Lautner, “Abduction”, Martin Lawrence, “Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son”, and Adam Sandler for “Jack and Jill”, and again for “Just go With It”.

Click continue reading to find out who “Won”!!

TAYLOR LAUTNER – “ABDUCTION”

Is there any other caption possible for that screencap other than “Duh…”?

Ok, let’s address the elephant in the room right up front.

The award is for “Worst Actor”, not for worst character. So for people expecting Sandler to walk away with the Leg Lamp because of “Jill”, or Lawrence because of “Big Momma”, let me tell you something. Those two guys look like they belong in the Royal Shakespeare Company compared to stoneface here.

I’m warning you all now. If this guy continues to get leading roles in major pictures, he may have a lifetime lock on this award, because I cannot imagine someone having less range than this. It’s a common phrase to rag on something like sports or movies by saying, “Cmon! I could do better than that!” In this case, it’s true. I am willing to bet that every single reader of this post could act better than Lautner can. Run and do sit ups and whatnot? Probably not. But act? 100% of you are more talented.

There is just NO expression. NOTHING. If it ever comes out that this guy was a scientific experiment – signed over at birth in order to research the lifelong effects of Botox on aging (at the cost of facial muscle development) – I will shout out, “I KNEW IT!!” His forehead doesn’t move… if he gave you the Zidane style headbutt he would drive your broken sternum through your heart and kill you dead.

Look, I didn’t expect him to be good or anything, but going in to this (having never seen Twilight) I had no idea. I mean, “Abduction” is an action movie. I’ve watched action movies starring Steven Seagal for years. The bar is not that high. But he doesn’t even try to jump it. He just runs right through those hurdles.

I found myself wondering, “How many takes/coaching tips, etc, did it take before the director gave up for the entire movie?” and “Did his costars ask for other people to read with when they shot their over shoulder closeups?” His character is pretty non-descript. Just a kid (well, trained by being beaten by his Dad regularly) put in an on the run situation. He didn’t exactly need to find any emotional places or anything… just react naturally to events going on around him.

(Director, off camera) “No, that was a gunshot Taylor, you should be scared now, ok? Action! No, cut. SCARED Taylor. Ok? They’re firing a GUN, ok? Action! CUT! Taylor… you’re giving me the same look you did last scene when I asked you to flirt with Lily, remember? Its different now, you have to… make your face look different. Its called ‘Acting’. You ready big guy? Ok? Action!! *sigh*… Ok, perfect, cut. That’s a wrap for today people.”

Look, the other guys were no saints, either. Cage practically checked his watch during “Season of the Witch”, so did Sandler in “Just Go With It”. But at least that’s better than subjecting us to “Jill”, like he did in “Jack and Jill”. But hey, still, at least he’s only done it once… Lawrence just inflicted “Big Momma” on us for his third time!

But they’re all off the hook when Lautner’s around. I’m convinced I could peg him in the forehead with a rubber band and he wouldn’t flinch.

The FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Actor for 2011.

What do you think people? Think Sandler got away with one? Are we going to look back on this as the year he got jobbed out of the Lamp that was rightfully his? How about the other guys? Think Nic Cage deserved it more? Let’s hear what you have to say! :D

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25 thoughts on “The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Actor

  1. Lautner has nothing to back up anything he’s done. At least Sandler, Cage and Lawrence have had their good points in their careers. Lautner? Erm, boy has no skills. Yes, boy.

    • See? Abs!

      Honestly, though Debbie… is this guy even that good looking? I’m not in any position to opine, but to me, he seems like he’s a beard and some long hair away from being the Geico Caveman.

      • I didn’t say good looking, I said prettier……there is a big difference between the two …. especially in the eyes of a chick! ;)

        I was referring to the fact that all the others had played girls at one time in their careers…..hahaha (even you have to admit, he as a boy is prettier than them as girls) :)

      • hahaha….oh, the werewolf guy? That explains why I didn’t know who he was. I never bought into that movie…

    • This is going to come off as incredibly mean and, well, bitchy, but to me, his face looks a little bit squishy. Also, like a 5 year old. Whereas his abs are that of a fully grown man. Put them together and you’ve got a hot mess!

      • “This is going to come off as incredibly mean and, well, bitchy”

        Or really funny.

        It’s like he still has his baby fat. He and Selena Gomez should get together. LOL

  2. Dang… that’s almost the same expression in that picture as in his press picture above. He doesn’t even emote in real life!

    Since you stress it’s worst actor, and not worst character (though what a great Major Award that would have been!) I’ll allow for the possibility that Sandler dodged the bullet here. Though I’ve a sneaking suspicion he’ll be a frequent nominee in years to come as well.

    • You may be on to something there! You could have a list of Awards that SHOULD be given out:

      Worst character
      Worst Temper Tantrum
      Craziest Costume
      Crappiest Car
      Sappiest Love Scene

      The list could go on and on….

  3. Cant comment on any of the acting here, cause the only one of these I saw was Season of the Witch… which didn’t have any. Acting that is. Even Ron Perlman, who I love, barely moved a needle on the ole acting meter.

    What I do want to do is thank Fogs for taking the hit for the team and watching all this dreck, so we didn’t have to. Thanks mate.

    • Ha!

      You’re welcome, but I dont know that anyone would have needed a guiding voice to stay away from these. “Jack and Jill” was awful! – thaks, Ebert, what would we have done without you? LOL.

      You know, that kind of thing.

      Meanwhile, you’ve seen “Season of the Witch”? :D How about when they get to the castle! That movie really shifts it into High Gear!!

  4. haha. I read on a webiste today that Abduction went wrong by being an action flick for guys, but using a lead that only chicks like! haha.

    Glad he won this award! LOL

    It’s taken you a lot of work to do all of these posts, man. Nice work. Lovin the FMR awards!

    • THAT’S funny. The guy flick/chick lead. LOL. He’s a stiff, I dont know what else to say. I mean, he was amazingly bad. Like there were times I couldnt fathom how he was onscreen.

      There are 1,598,672 starving actors in Hollywood, and THIS guy’s getting leads. Unreal.

      Meanwhile, thanks man! They’ve been a lot of fun to do. Everyone has been taking to them really well, so I’m more than happy to do ‘em. :D!

  5. This made me laugh – I would have to agree with you. Great photo of him to use too! Lautner actually seemed skilled in the fight sequences, but with the acting – just bottom of the barrel, laughable without intending to be, BAD.

    Fun idea with the MAJOR awards. I enjoyed surfing around and seeing who won what.

    • Awesome, thats great! :D LOL.

      I decided to take it over the top, stretch it out over two weeks, etc, as opposed to just doing a top ten list. And people responded well, they were a really big hit!

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