The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Director

Ok everybody, here we go!

The Worst Director of 2011! These guys weren’t hamstrung… They had decent budgets, they had big name stars, they had a chance to get it right, and they fumbled it. Each of them turned in work worthy of being labeled “hack”.

Your nominees are: Michael Bay, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon”, Clint Eastwood, “J Edgar”, Jim Sheridan, “Dream House”, Tarsem Singh, “Immortals”, and Zack Snyder, “Sucker Punch”.

Click through to find out which of these five “Won”!

TARSEM SINGH – “IMMORTALS”

It’s hard to adequately express my lack of respect for “Immortals”. It’s a movie with a terrible script, bad acting, crappy action sequences, ridiculous costumes, interjected “symbolic” animal shots. It’s just a silly mess of a movie that’s impossible for me to take seriously. And the man behind the magic? Director Tarsem Singh.

Let’s start here. It’s up to the director to get the actors and actresses within their film to perform. So lets look at some of the performances he got. Mickey Rourke… well Rourke was sublime. And he knew it, that much was obvious. Because you can just tell watching him that he knows he’s giving an acting lesson on how to be bad ass. LOL. I think he could have ripped an earthquake of a fart during a take, not lost his glower, and insisted Singh leave it in. “It was perfect.” Aside from Rourke, Henry Cavill gives the single most uninspiring inspirational “rally the troops” speech ever.

“Stand your ground! Fight for order! Fight for the man beside you! Fight for those who bore you! Fight for your children! Fight for your future! Fight for your name to survive! Fight! For immortality!”

I’m honestly afraid for the new Superman movie because of this. Freida Pinto actually thought she was auditioning for a TV Commercial for McDonald’s. Apparently Tarsem never filled her in.

But it’s also his job to set the tone, create the atmosphere. Singh “paints” with colors that are typically either way too dark (how else do you show it’s very “serious”, right?snnnggght) or outlandishly garish. I’m sure he didn’t design the costumes, but at some point he had to approve them, no? Have you seen some of the headgear and whatnot?Singh crafts a world world drenched in hyper-machismo, except done by someone who pretty much doesn’t understand what being “macho” is about. There’s all these slo-mo “300” style action sequences without the benefit of being doing by Zack Snyder. So.. the camera slows down and says “Check out THESE visuals”, except theyre not cool, so it winds up laughable. Half the movie’s characters are Gods, so the movie is filled with dialogue about “The Gods” and “Mortals”. It’s not exactly commonplace stuff.

To top it all off, anytime there’s a symbolic shot or some kind of flourish, it’s completely ridiculous. I use the term “Ham Fisted” a lot, but it’s not enough here. Take a moment and actually picture it. A person with hams – Big whole hams ready for glazing – as hands. Now picture them trying to operate a movie camera or editing software. I think they’d do about as good a job as Singh.

Listen, Bay’s a hack. We all know it. But he still managed to craft a spectacle worth a trip to the theatre. Eastwood made us eat sawdust, but his movie’s main crime was being hyper dry. That’s a misdemeanor in comparison to this felony. Jim Sheridan put a movie together that the studio couldn’t get behind, so they recut it… but that winds up drawing his culpability into question a bit, so he’s off the hook. And even though Znyder served up the hot mess special that was “Sucker Punch”, at least it had cool visual effects.

Singh stands out to me. Like a sore thumb.

Your FMR MAJOR Award winner for Worst Director.

What do you think everyone? Still got your torches and pitchforks out for bay? Were you actually a fan of “Immortals”? How about “Sucker Punch”, did I not kick it around adequately in the “Most Disappointing” thread? Looking for Snyder to pick up the win here too? Let me hear it! :D

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16 thoughts on “The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Director

  1. I really wanted to see Immortals. Then I saw that Frieda Pinto was in it. Then I read the shambolic reviews about it. Then all of a sudden I wasn’t too fussed. I liked Tarsem’s work on The Fall. It looked stunning and had enough going for it that that was enough. Clearly, everything else just stank here!

    Sometimes I think directors just need to reign it in. Or hire someone to tell them to do so. I can do that!

    Not looking forward to his next piece of work, one of the Snow White adaps. The one with Julia Roberts which I’m less looking forward to. In fact I’m not at all.

    You’re right about Bay – least he makes the money spent on a ticket worth it. You’ve just witnessed an entire city get fucked up by a mess of robots. Worth it.

    • You’re not looking forward to Snow White?

      Snow Way!!

      Gawd.

      Yup, exactly. I mean, the guy (Bay) would make the greatest second unit director ever. Just leave anything with humans to someone else…

  2. You make very good and convincing points, and you almost convince me, except for the part about how Michael Bay gets a pass because he’s been a hack all along. So because he’s always sucked, this piece doesn’t stand out in his body of work… but it still sucked big time, no?

    I haven’t seen either, so I cant comment on relative merits, but I still have Immortals on my netflix queue, while Tranformers has never graced the list and never will. (I have the sneaking suspicion that Immortals might be in the “so bad it’s good” category).

  3. Sad to hear this is a waste a picture. Doubly sorry to hear Rourke’s performance was sole bright spot in this desolate movie. Rourke’s been delivering in recent years: Wrestler, Iron Man 2, Expendables, and this pic apparently.

  4. Well, if nothing else, it seems like Immortals is at least fun to rip on. I have to say I had it pegged as “even worse 300/Clash of the Titans mash-up” from the trailers; glad to see I’m not totally out of line there.

  5. No wonder Pinto’s acting was so terrible in the film! She thought it was for McDonalds! it all makes sense now! ha!

    In Singh’s defense (I know u hated Immortals, but, come on…you knew this was coming! haha) A couple things I liked about his film. 1-the gods (while their backstory lacked, their visuals were amazing), and 2- the fact that Singh took the time to film all the action sequences 3 separate times in order to create the awesome visuals and fight scenes that were pretty siiccckkk!)

    I thought for sure you were going to give this to Abandoner Jim Sheridan!

    • 1-the gods Mmm… No.

      2- the fact that Singh took the time to film all the action sequences. Uh. Yeah, sure. Thanks for your Time Tarsem!

      3- separate times in order to create the awesome visuals and fight scenes that were pretty siiccckkk – Mmmm They were siiccckkk alright. Say that with the same voice you’d use to say “duuuuude”.

      Sorry man. Everything about this flick is comical to me. It’s all opinions, so… And I know a couple of people like it, I think PG does too.

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