For Your Consideration: Funniest Lamb

All this week, I’ve been laying out the positive attributes of the entire field of nominees in every category I’ve been nominated in.

It’s unfortunate today that I have to shift gears and bring you the painful truth that… aside from myself… none of the other nominees in this category are funny at all.

I don’t know what to say. Perhaps it’s the preponderance of pensive pundits that populate the Lamb pen… but whatever it is, this is a droll, humorless bunch. The nominators really $#%&ed this one up.

In the past week or so, my “Unfunniest Lamb Study Commission” has uncovered the shocking truth. The inside story of the rampant bribery, vote tampering, gerrymandering and fraud that was perpetuated in the “Funniest Lamb” category that – aside from myself – resulted in five painfully unfunny blogs being nominated.

Read on.

Invasion of the B Movies

Invasion of the B Movies is the blog of Jason Soto, who is a self-professed fan of cheesey B Movies and bad Horror Films. Except his tone is incredibly inconsistent. He cites his favorite movie as “The English Patient”, and frequently reviews serious classics. Check out his essay on “Schindler’s List” here.

Things get worse, however, as he’s a contributor to “Man I Love Films”, a condition I like to refer to as being assimilated by the Borg (see below). The most shocking fact that I uncovered during my investigation, however, is below. Look at Jason’s author profile. Seriously? Michael Bolton? That’s probably the scariest thing about this “Horror Blogger”.

Cut the Crap Movie Reviews

Toilet humor.

Right off the bat. I mean, “Welcome to my blog, have some toilet humor.” Right?

I can’t even get past the banner. what’s so funny about any of those guys? Those are some icons of machismo right there. Where’s the funny? I’m lost.

But I think the most conclusive proof that Aiden is unfunny is that he won last year’s Lammy for “Best Reviewer”. I mean, how can a person win Best Reviewer and be Funniest at the same time?

Oh wait, on second thought, forget I even brought that up.

The Droid You’re Looking For

I’ve just met John, the blogger behind “The Droid You’re Looking For”, and he seems like a nice guy. Which is why it saddens me to, you know, call it like I see it for the sake of Lammy voters.

The main claim to “TDYLF” is that he does a lot of photoshopping involving the Star Wars droids. The “Unfunniest Lamb Study commission” has uncovered some details surrounding this obsession, and it turns out that his parents began dressing him as C3PO at an early age. Unfortunately, it’s not a habit he grew out of, and now it’s borderline fetishistic.

Green People Soup

It’s really a little sad that Markus Welby of “Green People Soup” decided to turn to negative campaigning on twitter this last week. I like Markus, and there are times when he’s had some funny moments.

But he crossed the line more than a few times this week, and I have the irrefutable proof for you all to see.

I tried to reach “Sir Phobos” for comment, in order to present a fair and balanced look at the GPS site… it IS more than one contributor. Or so I thought. The shocking truth is that Phobos is a Kuato-like creature that emerges from Welby’s torso during a disturbing transition that GPS refers to as “Sexy Time”.

It’s a disturbing truth that the “Unfunniest Lamb Study Commission” had a duty to expose.

**SIR PHOBOS OF GREEN PEOPLE SOUP RESPONDS**

Man I Love Films

I’m just going to say what everyone already knows about “Man I Love Films”.

They’re they blogging equivalent of the Borg.

Like South Park’s Trapper Keeper, Kai and Dylan’s mission is to assemble a crew of bloggers so large that not only do they no longer need to blog themselves anymore (a mission they already stand on the precipice of completing), but that there are no other blogs remaining to challenge their supremacy.

I would go into a detailed break down of why they’re not funny, as I did with the other nominees… but seeing as their greatest claim to being a funny blog is the fact that they get contributions from the staff of Invasion of the B Movies and Green People Soup, both of whom I have conclusively proven to be unfunny already, I think my work here is done.

Fogs’ Movie Reviews

Perhaps it was the time I advocated smuggling tricycle horns into “J. Edgar”.

Or when I embedded a Gwar video in my review of “War Horse“.

Maybe you enjoy my more comedic posts, such as my Awesomely Awful series (where I spent thousands upon thousands of words extolling the virtues of movies such as “Troll 2″, “Rock and Roll Nightmare” and “Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch”, or My “Cheese-tastic Classics”, where I give dissertations on the greatness of such cheesey fare as “Roadhouse”, “Face-Off” and “Bloodsport”. Perhaps you’re a fan of this week’s “Nom or Lammy” as performed by myself and my (title pending) co-host Chris Tanski.

I think that there’s a subtle sense of humor in every piece that I do. I’ve got tons of positive feedback on how hilarious this MTESS was for example.

Whichever element of my humor content you prefer, I think that people frequently have fun here, get a lot of laughs, and generally have a good time. Unlike the blogs of some of these other candidates, who – sadly – leave readers with a sour taste in their mouths….

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107 thoughts on “For Your Consideration: Funniest Lamb

  1. (sniff sniff) I smell a little good-natured joking session toward felllow noms.
    In truth, all are worthy, otherwise they would not be up for LAMMY.
    I do enjoy manilovefilms and defintely FMR. Yes, I even enjoyed the lambasting of WarHorse even though I kinda liked this ‘orse movie. Cross pollination of blogs in the form of salute to noms is always good for the movie blogs in general. Good luck to all. ;-)
    “Let’s not bicker and argue of who killed who” – Monty Python’s Holy Grail, Swamp Castle King

    • A “little”? :D

      It’s all in good fun, and I’m glad everyone took it in the spirit in which it was intended…

      The “Cross polination” as you so aptly put it is definitely a big benefit of this. Typically one of the things I love most about the movie blogging community is that its collaborative, not competitive. This type of series actually can cover both bases as it were.

      Love the quote selection S. Rock on.

      • I was hoping Marcus would come back with one of his witty Dinger comments. Come on Fogs, you know me better than that. He must be too busy with MS Paint right now. Or trolling your site for new content for his.

      • I think we all decided to keep the flames war restrcited to a one day affair.

        It certainly was legendary though. LOL.

        Everyone is playing nice today. Especially in light of the wreckage that occured to sir Phobos’ marriage

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