Tossin’ It Out There: What do YOU think is the Worst Remake ever?

This weekend’s release of “Total Remake” put the subject of remakes on my mind. Unfortunately, unlike Doug Quaid, I can’t go to Rekall and have my memory altered.

Because often times, remakes are stank wreckage washing up on the shores of the megaplex… sucking some dollars up out of audiences and then skulking back out to the sea of unoriginality. Occasionally remakes are good,for sure. Sometimes even great. But more often than not this past decade or so has brought soulless knockoff after soulless knockoff.

And it doesn’t matter if the original was a classic or not. Beyond “Total Recall”, Hollywood has given us “New” versions of “Arthur”, “Planet of the Apes”, “Fame”, “Guess who’s Coming to Dinner”, “Psycho”, “Straw Dogs”,”The Omen” and “The Pink Panther” just to name a few, with none of them holding a candle to the original.

I’m guessing that at some point there was some remake that bugged YOU, too. Which one was it? Which remake do YOU think is the worst? Does “The Day the Earth Stood Still” piss you off? Or maybe it’s Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”s. Does the “Stepford Wives” remake leave you feeling like you’re the one without a soul? LOL.

Whichever one it is, let us hear it! Which Remake do YOU think is the worst?

 

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137 thoughts on “Tossin’ It Out There: What do YOU think is the Worst Remake ever?

    • The original was a classic, and a seminal movie in the horror genre – specifically the slasher film. It was the great great grandaddy of Halloween. Very influential film.

      The remake, apparently, is widely loathed. I didnt expect SO many people to choose that one. It’s the overwhelming favorite answer today! :D

  1. I think so far Clash of the Titans is THE worst one I can think of, and Total Recall is just sooo bland and boring. My double review post is up btw :)

    • :D LOL. I’ve literally had it open in another window since you posted it this morning. LOL. I just havent had time to click over to it. :D I will soon. Glad we see eye to eye on that at least.

      Clash of the Titans was pretty stank, I’ll agree there. It did suck. I dont know if I’d peg it as the worst, but it’s on the list, for sure!

    • I hate to say this but it had Jeff Bridges man. F@#kin’ Jeff Bridges. How that that be a bad thing? ;-) if truth be told though, I seen the remake before the original so the originals impact was lessened for me. I enjoyed both.

  2. I definitely think the Sylvester Stallone remake of Get Carter. How could you possibly replace Michael Caine with Stallone?! Tim Burton’s Planet of The Apes would also be pretty high on the list too

    • Planet of the Marky Marks gets another mention. WHOO!

      You know what I realized about bad movies about halfway into this? I dont SEE a lot of them. I AVOID them.

      Like the Stallone “Get Carter”. I’m gonna take your word for it that it sucked TCT :D

  3. Because I consider Godfather I & II as one, I have to pick G’father III. The new blood didn’t cut it, and the old blood had totally faded for me. Another good category choice to challenge the mind!! (Thanks for the Olympics reminder of “The Perfect 10″. I’ve been glued to the games this year.)

    • Technically a sequel, but the movie IS awful.

      One of the most heartbreaking reopenings of a movie franchise ever. Coppola needed the cash. Literally. So sad. That movie was awful in every way, and retroactively spoils the perfect ending of Godfather II.

      I’m sad now. Thanks.

      LOL :D!

  4. Man, I had to think about this one for a while since I have had great luck avoiding most remakes, mainly with my policy of not seeing them unless the critical acclaim is so great that it becomes unavoidable. But I’m going to have to go with King Kong.

    Both of them.

    The Dino DiLaurentiis one is pretty easy to dissect, and it boils down to it being incredibly boring despite having a giant ape stomping around everywhere. The oil drilling plot was dumb, and the scene with Kong climbing the Twin Towers proved to be far less thrilling than the original. (It does manage to give you chills these days, though, but not the way it was intended.)

    The new one, while more faithful to the original, was more of a disappointment than anything. Why so much padding? Like, did we need the oh-so-crucial backstory as to why Jack Black ended up on Skull Island? There was absolutely no suspense gleaned from him somehow evading the authorities to make his nature film. And what was the point of Adrian Brody being a screenwriter? Obviously to make Naomi Watts seem competent by comparison… but really, isn’t it overcompensating by making the male lead so totally useless? The worst part is that she didn’t need to have a much weaker counterpart: the rest of the movie proved that she could stand on her own. How much more awesome would it have been if the male lead was, say, the gung-ho captain of the original, trying to fight his way through the jungle only to find out, when he gets there, that she didn’t need his help after all?

    Admittedly, the movie was filled with fantastic visuals, but the plot contrivances to stretch the movie to an over 3 hour running time were totally unnecessary.

    • Ok. The Tale of Two Responses, here. :D

      Dino DiLaurentiis – I think at the time, this was a decent idea. Essentially, and look, I LOVE Kong 33, the special effects in the original were claymation and whatnot… there was an argument to be made for an updated version. I can understand that. I really havent seen that recently enough to really comment on the execution.

      The Peter Jackson one, I always point to as an example of bloat. Within that version is a GREAT movie. The effects are awesome, Watts is great, a couple of the action scenes are awesome. But it is SO padded – as you say. It needed studio interference in the worst way. It needed some studio to force him to get the runtime down and shave it to the essential elements.

      But that was his “He can do anything he wants he just did LoTR” movie. :(

      So yeah, I cant totally destroy it. I do like it, but man, it could have been GREAT. Its very much NOT. LOL

  5. Another good, if tough, question. For me, the difficulty comes in because there aren’t a lot of cases where I’ve seen both the remake and the original film, and so I don’t want to bash the remake too hard if I haven’t seen it, or if I’ve (somehow) seen the remake but not the original, I don’t know if the original was necessarily that good. But there are a few that come to mind.

    First up, the 1976 version of King Kong. I agree with you that Peter Jackson’s version is bloated, but otherwise a good movie. And the 1933 original is a classic. And I can see how remaking it in 1976 was, perhaps, a good idea in principle. But the execution absolutely sucked. I saw all three films in a row in 2005, as my own personal Kong-a-thon, and this was the only one I didn’t like.

    And, though it’s not necessarily a bad film, The Italian Job. It just doesn’t hold up to the original at all. It tries so hard to be stylish, but it doesn’t have as much style as the original, the characters aren’t as interesting, it lacks the sense of humor, and in general is just a big disappointment.

    • Mmm. Shame on me #2 today. I’ve never seen the original “The Italian Job”. It’s a foreign film, I’m gonna cling to that as my excuse :D I thought the remake was fun, but disposable… I guess if I had seen the original, I might have had a different perspective.

      On the Kong thing, I agree with everything you’re saying, I guess I just need to watch Kong 76 again. Cause it’s literally been decades. So… just feeling shaky right now bashing it. My recollection as a kid and teen was that it was ok. But of course, my tastes were nowhere near as developed as they are today :D

      • The original “The Italian Job” is a foreign film? Well, I suppose if you’re counting the United Kingdom as foreign, but I didn’t think you had that much trouble with British English. :P

      • Foreign = Not made in America. LOL

        Dont poke holes in my defenses. :D

        Per Wikipedia – it received a Golden Globe nomination for “Best English-Language Foreign Film”

  6. Day Of THe Dead remake starring Nick Cannon, is abysmal, not only because I saw Day of the Dead in the cinema in ’86 and, and because my name is Nik Cannon, and I was here first!!!!
    “I’m Sparatacus!”
    but seriously, it’s so, so bad, I even saw a boom mike in shot, i sat thru half of it when it was on film 4 here in the UK, and turned it off in utter disgust

    The Fog remake, laughable how wrong they get it all.
    The Thing re/premake thingamajig whatsamacallit.. another waste of space, not totally awful but, just… why?

    • LOL at your “Spartacus” reasoning. Funny stuff.

      I have your back. That movie was horrendous. Although in all candor, I think the original “Day of the Dead” is easily the wekest of the Romero’s “Dead” movies. Not in the same league as the other two, to me…

      Havent seen “The Fog” yet. May never, after hearing about ti today. LOL. Suspected as much.

      That “Thing” premake though. GAH. “Why?” is right, Nik

  7. I usually avoid remakes unless they are remakes of horror movies. Psycho remake at least had decent cast, hard to say which would be the worst from what I’ve seen. The Wicker Man is a bad movie but it makes me laugh so hard I can’t hate it. My vote would probably go for Nightmare on Elm Street remake which was utter shit.

    • I need to do an “Awesomely Awful: Wicker Man” I think it would be a huge hit here :D

      Yeah, you’re right Sati. The new “Nightmare” sucked… especially since I thought that Jackie Earle Haley would have made a great Freddy Krueger. :(

  8. Has anyone mentioned Godzilla yet? Or in the “we have to be extremely specific in Hollywood” parlance, would that be considered a reboot or reimagining? I’d also mention Aeon Flux, which would also likely be classified as an adaptation rather than a remake.

    • I would say Godzilla was more of a reboot, but others have cited it as a remake and railed against it.

      The baby Godzillas that were ripping off velociraptors are what put it over the edge of the toilet for me. LOL

      Havent seen Aeon Flux… thats the one with Charlize, right? At least its got her… :D

      • I think Godzilla is more of a reboot. It doesn’t quite follow the original Godzilla movie, which is what would’ve made it a remake, right? I mean it’s been a while, but I don’t think the original had French spies and baby Godzillas.

        Otherwise it would’ve topped my own list.

      • Lol, know what’s funny, Santo? I knew that, and started off early in this thread responding with that. But then it got brought up so much I got worn down :D

        I forgot myself!

        Still sucks. And it’s fun to kick around.

        Matthew Broderick against Godzilla… C’mon!!

  9. No one has said it yet, so I’m saying it–Rollerball. The original is a science-fiction dystopia that puts one man against a system designed to destroy him and brutalize him. The remake is a joke that features Chris Klein and that completely switches the intent of the original.

    • I think someone said that on the first page – in fairness, case they come by ;)

      But that’s a pretty good choice. It works as an unintentional comedy, if you enjoy that sort of thing… but as a regular movie? OOOhhhf. LOL :D

  10. “Anne heche’s butthole let’s all go inside.” Sorry all the Psycho remake comments make me think of that. It’s from Kevin Smiths podcast HBO.

    The Death ata Funeral remakes is unforgivable to me. I think I pretty much agree with the ones everyone has suggested. I tend to avoid most fo them though, so I just have to assume I made the right decision to pass on them.

      • I really liked the original. Part of it was just kinda luck that Frank Oz managed to just have to right people in the right parts. The remake was kind of like Psycho in that they didn’t really attempt to change much. Even Peter Dinklage wasn’t as good the second time around.

  11. Bad News Bears, Death Race, Disturbia, The Eye, The Fog, The Grudge, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, The Thing, Total Recall, Robocop, The Uninvited. There are probably some others that I skipped over. I detest that any of these exist.

    • :D I think you might have forgot a couple. LOL

      The Bad News Bears is good one. That flick should never have been touched…

      So you’re launching a pre-emptive strike against Robocop, huh? LOL!

      • Just wait till the try to remake something like the Harry Potter series or LOTR.

        It’s not really a remake, but doing really late sequels like Rocky, Rambo, Blues Brothers, or the possible Ghostbusters sort of falls into the “things Hollywood” should not mess with.

        Really, if you are going to remake a movie, you should remake the bad ones and try to improve them.

      • Mmmmmmnmnmnn… I dunno.

        Jury’s out there. The record is shaky. REAL shaky. Every time it gets done, I get nervous. But I like Rocky VI, and I’m glad they didnt finish that franchise with #5. Ugh. I also like “Rambo”. And seeing John J walk down that driveway at the end of the film is something that made me really happy.

        But you’re right, for every ONE of those, there’s 6 sucky ones. Godfather III, Indy and the Crystal Skull, etc etc :(

  12. Ugh….where do I begin? Well, if I have to pick one, I would have to say Shutter. Shutter (Thai) is amazing. Story telling was great and that movie frickin’ scared me in the theater. I haven’t jumped so high up from my chair in a long time. Shutter (US) was a lame attempt. First off, they set that movie in Japan. Come on (GOB’s voice) let’s get at least a little creative here. Have you seen Shutter (Thai)? I think it’s on instant Netflix. It’s worth a watch.

    • I haven’t seen the original, no. But I will back you up on “Shutter”, the remake. I had it on my DVR at one point, started watching it, got bored… left it… and never came back.

      NOT a good sign for a movie COME ON! :)

  13. Hi, Fogs:

    I would have to point out the ridiculously bad, though well intentioned and hugely budgeted ‘Godzilla’(1998). Which should have been a rocking, kick ass flick wreaking of fallen, crumbling buildings and radioactive bad breath. Yet, somehow looked much more like a French tinged second swipe at ‘Jurassic Park’.

    Though for a frame by frame, carbon copy, really lame assed attempt to clone an undisputed Classic. Van Sant’s ‘Psycho’ soars to the top. With Adrian Lyne’s less fame by fame, slightly different and darkly creepier, ‘Lolita’ a not far second.

    • LOL. I was just thinking, “You know, Godzilla’s been getting a lot of mentions here, that thing could be challenging Psycho for ‘most mentioned’” and then I hit the second paragraph and you evened it up. LOL :D

      Both are terrible, agreed. Godzilla gets a shot at redemption in 2014, supposedly. They showed a teaser at Comic-Con that was just the monster, making his trademarked roar. At least it didnt look like Jurassic Park lite, which is what the 1998 one looked like. Ugh.

      Never seen Lolita. Either of them. But I can assure you, I’ll watch the Kubrick version first. :D

    • :D

      That is like a list of PAIN. :D

      I’m looking down it and all I can think is, Ugh. Ohhh, man. Ouch. Eeesh. LOL

      One bad remake after another, right there. Isn’t a single one I’d defend (although in fairness I wont even watch Steve Martin”s Pink Panther).

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