The Ten WORST Bond Girls

As demonstrated in the previous post, Bond girls often add positively to the legacy of the franchise. Whether they’re objects of affection, team-mates or both, the women of 007 are capable of adding so much to the movies that they’re featured in.

Of course, they can also drag on the movie like an albatross.

Yes, unfortunately, over the course of 50 years and 20+ movies you’re going to have more than your share of bad characters and/or bad actresses. Especially when so often – let’s be honest – the actresses are cast due to their looks. Read on to see the ten worst offenders in the Bond Franchise!

10) Fatima Blush – Barbara Carrera, “Never Say Never Again”

The ONLY reason she’s so low is that NSNA is non-canon, so its debatable whether she should be included at all. But Carrera not only goes over the top, she chews scenery once she’s airborne. Wowza.

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9) Magda – Kristina Wayborn, “Octopussy”

There’s virtually no other reason for this character to exist except for “eye candy”. She’s alternately scenery and a sex partner. Not that that’s ever stopped Bond before, but… Let’s just say Magda’s not even that good at her job.

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8) Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson – Halle Berry, “Die Another Day”

One of the worst Bond turns by a supposed “Good actress” ever. Supposedly Bond’s equal, she’s tied to the tracks every five minutes, and relegated to a cat fight in the finale. “Read this, Bitch!” Ughck. What a fail.

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7) Melina Havelock – Carole Bouquet, “For Your Eyes Only”

Stiff as a board and half as interesting, Carole Bouquet gets some cred in Bond circles because her character is on a revenge mission. To me it’s merely an excuse for her to spend half the movie looking sour and surly. Blecch.

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6) Dr Holly Goodhead – Lois Chiles, “Moonraker”

Good lord. Her name should have you squirming already, but she’s also a CIA agent posing as an astronaut. I wouldn’t believe her in either role, and don’t here either. Don’t blink or she’ll fade into the set design on you.

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5) Tiffany Case – Jill St John, “Diamonds are Forever”

Proof that Bond Girls names can make you cringe without sexual innuendo, St John’s strongest selling point is that she runs around the entire film scantily dressed. Way to go Tiffany! Kudos!

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4) Mary Goodnight – Britt Ekland, “The Man with the Golden Gun”

Ekland narrowly beat out a store mannequin for this role after the mannequin turned in a better screen test. Luckily for her, it wanted more money. Bond has turned doorknobs that added more to their movies than she does.

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3) Bibi Dahl – Lynn-Holly Johnson, “For Your Eyes Only”

Young enough to be Moore’s granddaughter, he literally tells her he’ll buy her an ice cream if she puts her clothes back on. I’m with him. Cast because of her skating abilities, she should have stuck to the rink!

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2) Christmas Jones – Denise Richards, “The World is Not Enough”

One of the most maligned girls ever, Richards has trouble with simple dialogue, and is COMPLETELY unbelievable as a Nuclear Physicist. I couldnt stop laughing selecting soundclips of her bad acting for TPMP this week. So many to choose from!

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1) Stacy Sutton – Tanya Roberts, “A View to a Kill”

Drink every time Sutton says “James” and you will die. Vapid and vacuous, Roberts was also half Moore’s age. To top it all off her character was useless and ridiculous. In a testament to her acting abilities, a career of erotic thrillers lay ahead for her.

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And there they are. The Bond Girls that fans love to hate.

Am I badmouthing any of them undeservedly? Did I forget to lambast someone worthy? What do you think of the Stacy Sutton upset? Should Christmas Jones have taken the crown? Let me hear it!

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68 thoughts on “The Ten WORST Bond Girls

  1. It’s been said already, but you should have expected me to disagree over Melina Havelock, she was on my top Bond girls list! Other than that I’m in agreement with you except that I don’t remember finding Magda all that bad, not good but average – It’s been a while since I saw Octopussy however.

    • Nah, youve got a point with her… Magda. She’s not all that terrible. Thats why shes so low. It was more of a character thing. Literally her only purpose was to sleep with 007. To steal an egg back, but still…

  2. Okay, we agree for the most, part, but I’m gonna defend my ladies from FYEO. I agree that Dahl is annoying, but I think she’s intended to be. The ice cream scene you mention also cracks me up.

    As for Melina, I love her…so ya. lol.

    • I knew you’d defend Havelock, and that’s fine… if anything, she’s this particular lists most popular “bone of contention”

      Dahl, though? Cmon, bro. Seriously, the argument that she’s annoying but thats ok because its intentional is… LOL pretty funny.

      • Well, Bond seems irritated by her too. That’s the point. To me, it be like hating the reporter in Die Hard for being an asshole even though that’s what that character needs to be.

        Granted, I can see why people don’t like Bibi, but I’ve never had an issue with her.

  3. Well Tanya Roberts is in her own league I think. I think Denise Richards get way to much flak actually a lot of her problem come from a silly character. Shame on you for nailing two Swedish bond girls on here, totally agree on Britt Ekland though. I also would have added Talisa Soto on the list she is the only bad thing about License to Kill.

  4. Well, for me the worst one was easily the ebony beast that Bond bedded in a View To A Kill…. She might have been more of a Henchwoman than a traditional Bond girl, but that is easily the ugliest female that any Bond has ever had the misfortune to be with… that and the fact that Moore was so old by the time of that movie makes its doubly puke inducing… I don’t want to think about it anymore.

    • Yeah, Grace Jones is certainly a strange looking woman, I’ve never really figured out how she cut it as a fashion model (which was her main claim to fame). Her hook up with Bond IS definitely cringe inducing.

      Always thought she made a good henchman though. Just not a good Bond girl! 8O

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