As demonstrated in the previous post, Bond girls often add positively to the legacy of the franchise. Whether they’re objects of affection, team-mates or both, the women of 007 are capable of adding so much to the movies that they’re featured in.
Of course, they can also drag on the movie like an albatross.
Yes, unfortunately, over the course of 50 years and 20+ movies you’re going to have more than your share of bad characters and/or bad actresses. Especially when so often – let’s be honest – the actresses are cast due to their looks. Read on to see the ten worst offenders in the Bond Franchise!
10) Fatima Blush – Barbara Carrera, “Never Say Never Again”
9) Magda – Kristina Wayborn, “Octopussy”
There’s virtually no other reason for this character to exist except for “eye candy”. She’s alternately scenery and a sex partner. Not that that’s ever stopped Bond before, but… Let’s just say Magda’s not even that good at her job.
8) Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson – Halle Berry, “Die Another Day”
One of the worst Bond turns by a supposed “Good actress” ever. Supposedly Bond’s equal, she’s tied to the tracks every five minutes, and relegated to a cat fight in the finale. “Read this, Bitch!” Ughck. What a fail.
7) Melina Havelock – Carole Bouquet, “For Your Eyes Only”
Stiff as a board and half as interesting, Carole Bouquet gets some cred in Bond circles because her character is on a revenge mission. To me it’s merely an excuse for her to spend half the movie looking sour and surly. Blecch.
6) Dr Holly Goodhead – Lois Chiles, “Moonraker”
Good lord. Her name should have you squirming already, but she’s also a CIA agent posing as an astronaut. I wouldn’t believe her in either role, and don’t here either. Don’t blink or she’ll fade into the set design on you.
5) Tiffany Case – Jill St John, “Diamonds are Forever”
4) Mary Goodnight – Britt Ekland, “The Man with the Golden Gun”
Ekland narrowly beat out a store mannequin for this role after the mannequin turned in a better screen test. Luckily for her, it wanted more money. Bond has turned doorknobs that added more to their movies than she does.
3) Bibi Dahl – Lynn-Holly Johnson, “For Your Eyes Only”
Young enough to be Moore’s granddaughter, he literally tells her he’ll buy her an ice cream if she puts her clothes back on. I’m with him. Cast because of her skating abilities, she should have stuck to the rink!
2) Christmas Jones – Denise Richards, “The World is Not Enough”
One of the most maligned girls ever, Richards has trouble with simple dialogue, and is COMPLETELY unbelievable as a Nuclear Physicist. I couldnt stop laughing selecting soundclips of her bad acting for TPMP this week. So many to choose from!
1) Stacy Sutton – Tanya Roberts, “A View to a Kill”
Drink every time Sutton says “James” and you will die. Vapid and vacuous, Roberts was also half Moore’s age. To top it all off her character was useless and ridiculous. In a testament to her acting abilities, a career of erotic thrillers lay ahead for her.
And there they are. The Bond Girls that fans love to hate.
Am I badmouthing any of them undeservedly? Did I forget to lambast someone worthy? What do you think of the Stacy Sutton upset? Should Christmas Jones have taken the crown? Let me hear it!