Texas Chainsaw 3D

Texas_Chainsaw_3d

Filled with stupid characters, illogical actions, and gratuitous gore, “Texas Chainsaw 3D” is your typical, dumb horror sequel.

Thing is, there will be some people that like that.

Beginning with a pre-title sequence set immediately following the events of 1974’s “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “Texas Chainsaw 3D” bases itself around the premise that the locals of the town that Leatherface and his kin lived in got word of the rampage he went on, roused every gun-toting man in town, and surrounded the infamous house along with their two man police force. Then then bathed the home in a hail of bullets before setting it afire. Of course, there are a few survivors. The first is a baby, who is found with her mother away from the shooting. The man who finds her takes the baby so he and his wife could raise her as their own. He then leaves the mother to, presumably, burn alive.

Leatherface manages somehow to survive the bullets and the blaze and makes his way to a relative’s.

When the woman he seeks refuge with grows ill decades later, she leaves her estate to her grandaughter, Heather (Alexandra Daddario), who had been stolen as a child the night of the incident. Shocked to learn of her true parentage, Heather gathers some friends and heads to Texas to receive her inheritance. What she finds is an enormous, lavishly furnished mansion, set back from an off the track road just outside of a small town. What she and her friends don’t realize is that Leatherface, the overgrown man with the stunted IQ and a predilection for wearing the human faces of his chainsaw victims, still lives in a secret room in the basement.

It’s not long before Leatherface gets out, and the murdering begins. In an added level to the film, however, Heather eventually has to deal with the town’s vigilantes as well. The murderous men who slaughtered her kin decades ago, and are now after her as well.

It’s my thinking that “Texas Chainsaw 3D” contains the requisite body count, sufficient gore, and a famous enough villain to pacify most horror fans. This certainly won’t be hailed a classic of the genre by anyone who ever sees it under any circumstances imaginable, but for a one-off slasher, it’s not all that bad. Leatherface’s family is notably absent, but he himself gets to bludgeon, hatchet and chainsaw enough people to be passable, I would think. I can’t comment on how it compares to the rest of the franchise as a whole (this is the seventh “Chainsaw” outing), as I’ve seen others but the only one I’m strongly familiar with is the original. And it’s a given that this wouldn’t measure up to the timeless classic. It’s probably not even as good as the fairly decent 2003 remake.

That said, though it will probably appease horror fans, anyone without a vested interest in the franchise or the genre as a whole should stay away. There’s nothing of value to the broader movie-going public to be had. It’s not scary per se, though there’s a couple of pretty gory scenes here and there. And anyone not giving it the “Horror Movie Pass” will shred the bad acting, head scratching decisions, and the improbable high concept.

C

Daniel Fogarty

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46 thoughts on “Texas Chainsaw 3D

  1. yep. I opted to skip this one. won’t be budging from that decision. I can handle horror, but gory slasher ones…just not my cup of tea.

    you do a fine job reviewing this one fairly keeping in mind the genre and target audience. Nice review, Dan.

    • Thanks T. Yeah, I was almost tempted to split the grade.

      There was a part of me that enjoyed it in a dumb fun stupid horror movie way…

      But the critic in me got in the way and I had to tell it like it is from that persepctive too. :(

  2. It’s not my type of film and so I won’t be catching this one. You never know though, I may flick it on one day if it is on the TV or something. Nice review though!

  3. Pingback: Texas Chainsaw 3D Review | The Filmster

  4. Good review but you have an error about the story. Heather’s mother didn’t survive it was her grandmother who left her the inheritance. Still it doesn’t help the movie.

    • Ohhhhhh. Ok.

      Well then how the hell did her grandmother know where she went/who took her/how to find her etc? LOL. You’re right, now that I think about it and I’ll patch that up, but… now there’s another huge logic gap.

      And what? So Leather face just runs off to his aunts afterwards, is that it? :D

      NOW NOTHING MAKES SENSE TO ME!! :D LOL

  5. I didn’t even know there was another one of these coming out. Damn this rock I seem to live under.

    Did you watch it in 3D? How does the 3D rate against other 3D horror stuff? I only ask because my father has been chomping at the bit to get to another 3D horror since My Bloody Valentine, and the couple that we’ve tried really dropped the ball on working the 3D angle.

    • Uh… it wasn’t great I wouldnt say, but at least it had the courtesy to do some common sense things that I would consider the bare minimum for a Texas Chainsaw in 3D, such as the Chainsaw coming straight at you a couple of times, and geting hurled at the camera once or twice.

      I honestly dont know how comfortable I’d be recommending the movie to you on that basis alone. But if you’re going to favorably mention My Bloody Valentine 3D, you probably stand a decent chance of enjoying this anyways Spike. You know what it is.

      Leatherface kills people.

      • Oh, I stand a decent chance of enjoying anything. There’s never any worries there.

        It’s good that the common sense stuff is there. We were severely disappointed by the general lack of flying at you stuff in the first 3D Final Destination movie.

        Dad asks three questions when it comes to movies: Is it a “jumper”? Or, how many times did it make him jump in his seat. A “Two-Jumper” is probably equivalent to a B+ or A-. The other question is “How’s the gore?” or is there a lot of gore? Is it realistic, or comedic? Suspenseful, tense, or cringeworthy? And finally “How stupid is it?” How foolish is the comedy, or how horrible are the decisions that are made? This can also be about the film makers themselves. If they allow you to see that the car falling off the cliff clearly has no engine or drivetrain… they’ll effectively lose one jump on question 1. Dad did not care for the Dukes of Hazzard.

      • Solid questions. I approve of his methodology. :D

        Here would be me answers in this case:

        A) I didn’t jump. At all. I think – for me at least – I’ve gotta be way more into a movie than I was here to be “Jumping” B) Gore was good. Not a ton of it, but what there was was pretty sick. I give it a passing grade there. C) It’s pretty dumb, but not the dumbest movie ever. If I were to make a top 100 dumb horror movies list, this might make the cut, but wouldnt rank in the top 50. How’s that? LOL :D

  6. Great review and I can’t say I am surprised. Terrible genre rehashing. This is why I will never line up for one of these films–ever.

    • Yeahhhhh… I can’t recommend it very much.

      If someone doesn’t mind a decent rehash, than this would be alright for them I think. But if you’re inclined to turn up your nose at all, this is a mess. LOL

  7. TCM (the original) is one of my all time favorite horror movies. I like part 2, but that is it for the series for me. I knew from the trailer that this would just be another lame cash grab using the name. The worst part though is that Tobe Hooper is actually saying that this IS the official sequel to TCM. What a disgrace.
    Great review though Fogs

    • It’s cool. I mean, I’m with you. I’m right there with you on the original, it’s a top five horror movie of all time for me too.

      They do basically insert a montage of the original to open the film and then the first scene is following directly after, so….

      He’s a producer here. So I think you could expect that kind of talk in order to maximize the “Cash” in the “Cash Grab” LOL.

  8. When I heard about this a couple weeks back, I thought it was yet another remake. I didn’t know it was a continuation of the franchise? That said, whilst I’m always up for a good horror flick (well, sort of. I’m a wuss-who-hides-behind-pillow type of viewer), I didn’t much care for the original. Or at least, I’d expected more from it given its reputation and felt it didn’t quite live up to it.

    The Jessica Biel remake was actually alright. Quite liked that one. But I’ll give this a miss I reckon!

    • Well… I think this one is actually much more akin to the Jessica Biel remake than to the original.

      The original was a firghtening portrait of the fringe of society… a psychotic family that lived in a way that civilization couldnt even imagine. The Biel remake was more of a standard slasher where the “Final Girl” gets chased around, screaming. This is a lot more like that, except a little dumber. LOL

      • You mean there’s actually room for dumber? I thought all levels had been fully depleted there ;)

        I’ll definitely grant you on your points re the original. As a horror movie, It didn’t frighten me at all. But as a portrayal of, as you succinctly put, the ‘fringe of society’, it was an uncomfortable watch – particularly the last 30 minutes, if memory serves me correctly.

      • It’s the family dinner scene that scares the shit out of me. Big time.

        On this one though, yeah, it’s dumb… But there’s a LOT of room to go. I’ve seen movies WAYYYYY dumber. LOL

  9. Not surprised by this at all. The reason why the original film was so successful was that it was almost all psychological. These movies need to stop.

    • They wont. They can be made cheaply and they return on their money, so there’s no stopping them.

      What I want is I’d also like to get the good, inventive, creative, boundary pushing originals, too. As long as we got some of those every year, I wouldnt care if we got Texas Chainsaw 8 and Saw 13. You know?

      • Couldn’t agree more man. The problem with original horror films is that not very many people are aware of the ones being made anymore because they mostly play at festivals and get pushed straight to DVD. Instead, we get movies like TC3D where it’s instant cash for the studios.

  10. I’m not one of those that liked the film. I’m one of those that loved the film. The 3D worked great. Good way for me, a die hard horror fan, to start the New Year. Another thing, this film actually made me feel sorry for Leatherface. Just wish there was some good nudity. 35% of Heather’s breasts just doesn’t cut it.

    • Hahaha. LOL.

      Ok, first off, thank you. I knew there would be a horror contingent out there that really respond to this. I tried to mention that possibility in the review at least. :D

      And then… I know, right? Not that I wouldn’t have enjoyed seeing her topless, I won’t even pretend, ok. Of course I would. But to me, the discussion should be… If you’re going to do what they did, why not just go topless? Seriously, that was a comical moment… I couldn’t wrap my head around the lame ass half effort they gave there. Do it or don’t, the silly thing they were doing here is a foul on either side of the coin.

  11. Damn it…

    Why bother doing another remake? They’ll never capture the grit and shear terror of the original. I really hope Evil Dead proves to be better at retelling a classic.

    But damn I was hoping for a B on this one.

    • Technically it wasn’t a remake. Sorry if I led you astray somehow. Ah. I do use the word “remake” up front, got it.

      It’s a sequel though, I’ll fix it.

      I think a B would have been about its ceiling. Big fans of the franchise may still enjoy it, but I think anyone seriously grading it would be hard pressed to give it that good a grade…

  12. Crap for a weekend matinee. Will head out tomorrow to waste a couple of hours. I want some suspense but I also like the Gore. Sorry to hear about the shortage of nudity. By the way, Spikor’ s Dad sounds like a genius aficionado of this stuff. His criteria are excellent and I will try using them when I post my review.

    • LOL. I know, right? “Spike’s Dad Formula” may just be on to something. :D

      You wont find any suspense, but there’s some decent gore.

      There is a shortage of nudity, but that’s not even really the point… its kind of more of the comical way they try to toe the line… it was honestly ridiculous. I had to shake my head and laugh.

    • Heh. His formula really does work when recommending mindless “guy” movies in action or horror. Just swap in “action” for “gore” in question #2.

  13. I admit I’m a sucker for the slasher genre but not in a hurry to see this tho… I’m still hoping to see Jackie Earl Hayley back as Freddy but looks like thats never gonna happen…

  14. Pingback: Texas Chainsaw 3D Review: A Bloody Mess | Rorschach Reviews

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