Getaway

Getaway

A preposterous film featuring laughable acting, edited via blender.

When former race-car driver Brent Magna’s (Ethan Hawke) wife is kidnapped, he suddenly finds himself receiving directions from a mysterious stranger (Jon Voight) via cell phone. He’s instructed to steal a nearby Shelby Cobra, and drive as he’s told, or his wife will be killed. The car is wired with cameras and microphones so that the stranger can see everything he does. It’s also been armored, in order to withstand the damage its sure to take. Magna takes the car and speeds off…

His instructions initially consist of causing chaos and distracting the police. He has to drive through a crowded market, a festival, and a skating rink, and evade a growing number of pursuing cops. It’s not long, however, before a gun-toting young woman (Selena Gomez) gets into the car, and the kidnapper’s motives begin to reveal themselves.

Will Magna be able to outdrive the demented demands of the stranger and win his wife’s freedom?

“Getaway” is certain to find its way to be mentioned amongst the worst films of 2013. Above and beyond the preposterous premise (and this is NOT a remake of either version of “The Getaway”), you have a horrible miscasting in what is essentially a three player film. Selena Gomez plays a character who is part car expert, and part computer hacker. As an added bonus, her father is a high-ranking official at the corporation that’s the end game of the stranger’s motivations, so she also has key information at key moments that she and Hawke’s character would otherwise never have. Forget the fact that Gomez is terrible here (she’s inexpressive to say the least), she basically looks like she’s 14 or 15. Just seeing her with a gun is laughable, let alone accepting the tough girl character they give her to play. It’s the kind of poor fit that I don’t even fully blame on the actress, this was a decision that was made in order to get a “big” name into a cheap movie, regardless of how well she actually fit the role. In my first ever call out of a Casting Director, I say to Mariana Stanisheva, “Cmonnnnn… really?”

Even without Gomez bricking easy lines like “Look out!” and “No, Stop!”, though, “Getaway” would be a mess, thanks to the choppy mush that director Courtney Solomon gives us to look at. For a movie that’s literally 95% car chase, there isn’t a single decent car chase moment. Just as a quick-cut fight scene protects stars that aren’t actually martial artists, the quick cutting of “Getaway”‘s car chases implies things that happen without them actually happening. For example, say Hawke needs to maneuver the Cobra through three bystander cars driving up ahead. The first shot would be the car swerving to the right, implying it’s about to begin the weaving through traffic. Then we would get a shot of Hawke shifting gears, a close up of Hawke’s face, a close up of Gomez’s face, a shot of the cops, driving behind, then the Cobra out ahead of the three cars. You never actually SEE the car drive through the other three cars. The entire movie is like that. You get, at best, .00025 milliseconds of actual driving, followed by cuts and close-ups that could have been done in studio (and probably were). Which is a damn shame, because when I first saw the car I thought at least I’d have the pleasure of seeing it rip around a bit.

Nope.

Instead, we get a shredded up dose of cinematic sleight of hand that is utterly ineffectual on an action level. There are a couple of big explosions, and I think they wreck a half dozen cop cars, I’ll give them that. The rest of the film is a meaningless, silly, hollow feeling hour and a half, highlighted by the laughable choice of Selena Gomez as Hawke’s co-pilot. Worthless.

F

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34 thoughts on “Getaway

  1. When I saw Ethan Hawke’s name I was like ‘oh wow, this is going to be great’ , but then I stumbled across the name Selena Gomez… well, enough said.
    Nice review, as always.

    • LOL God no! Although I hate when that happens. Its happened to me a couple of times over the past couple years where I just don’t quite hate the movie as much as everyone else does… that sucks when that happens :(

  2. Great review. I love reviews of bad movies! :) They missed a trick with the name of Ethan Hawke’s character. I mean, all they had to do was change one letter, and he could have been Brent MAGMA. :)

    • That would have been better, wouldn’t it? :lol:

      Still, as it was, there was plenty of silly to go around. YOu haven’t lived until you’ve seen Selena Gomez hack a Power Plant’s computer system, blow the plant up, then hightail it out of there. :roll:

  3. If it wasn’t for that one asshole critic who liked this film, I would’ve been cheering for the film to receive that 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes. I’m sure this film sucked ass and Courtney Solomon is a shit filmmaker. He did that “Dungeons and Dragons” movie some years back w/ Marlon Wayans.

    • LOL. I’ve never seen that one. Sad though, seeing as D&D is a great concept, and could yield some good movies. Meanwhile, though, THIS movie certainly isn’t going to disprove that he’s a “shit filmmaker”. LOL. Throw another log on that fire!

  4. Before this, there was a mild chance I’d watch this movie sometime after it hit DVD. Now, there’s a 100% certainty of it. This sounds like it’s either something we end up being in total disagreement on, or (the far more likely scenario) it’s got a level of awfulness that’s so rage inducing (I’ve thrown shit at the TV for things like the Driving Sequence you described in the past) that it’ll create a different kind of adrenaline rush that could lead to a fun-to-write review.

    • LOL. I look forward to reading that. :D I’m putting my money on “Rage Inducing”. The racing scenes are such a mess that they’re pathetic. Seriously, if they were good, I could have forgiven the Gomez fiasco to an extent and given the movie maybe even a C Range grade.

  5. Hi, Fogs:

    So, basically you’re telling us ‘Getaway’ is ‘Phone Booth’ on wheels. With a lot of incidental and obligatory chase scenes, explosions and near car crashes to reinforce a ridiculous, paper thin plot.

    Evidently, we don’t pay enough to see films, so we don’t have to!

  6. I’m soooo glad I skipped the press screening for this Fogs! I laughed so hard watching the trailer, but I doubt I’d be laughing watching it, ahah. I hope you didn’t waste too much money to see this, man.

    • Nah, I’m fine, I’m not worried about any of that. Gotta go check it out and see how bad it is, you know?

      Meanwhile, yeah, it was kind of insufferable. The unintentional comedy couldn’t even save it! 8O

  7. I saw the trailer for it last weekend about died. Selena Gomez was horribly miscast. She has always looked young, but it like they went out of their way to make her look like jail-bait. The trailer made as little sense as it sounds like the movie made. How could three big names end up in something that looks so awful. Even taking into account that Gomez is a better vocalist than actress. (I liked the little music videos of hers that aired on Disney way better than the Disney t.v. shows.)

    • Yeah, I don’t really know much about her Disney stuff. I don’t think they went out of their way to make her look young, I think she just IS young, and looks even younger. And the role was just wrong for her in a big way :(

      I think they all need the work, frankly. LOL

  8. As much as you hated it, I think you were too kind to this one. ;-)

    Seriously, though, there is nothing good about it. Nothing. It deserves to hit every Worst of All Time list compiled.

  9. Pingback: » Movie Review – Spring Breakers Fernby Films

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