James Bond: Classic, Cheese or Crap – “Live and Let Die”

“Live and Let Die”

1973

Bond: Roger Moore

Classic, Cheese or Crap: Cheese

This is one of a small handful of Bonds that don’t fit well into the classifcation system. “Live and Let Die” is one of the better Moore Bonds, but I didn’t feel it was good enough to be called classic. It’s got some cheese to it, but the “L’eau du Fromage” isn’t as strong as other films in the catergory.

But in the end, between the voodoo and the Tarot cards and the pimps… I had to go Cheese.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese, or Crap? – “Die Another Day”

“Die Another Day”

2002

Bond: Pierce Brosnan

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CRAP

“Die Another Day” was Pierce Brosnan’s fourth and final Bond film.

Prominently featuring Halle Berry (at her zenith), sporting the latest techniques in special effects, and a themesong by the legendary Madonna, the movie was an enormous success. It grossed over $400 million worldwide.

It was also the moment I knew the Brosnan era needed to come to an end.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese or Crap? – “From Russia With Love”

“From Russia With Love”

1963

Bond: Sean Connery

Classic, Cheese or Crap?: Classic

“From Russia With Love” was the second Bond film ever made. At that point, the franchise wasn’t even a franchise. I mean, if you only have two movies, wouldn’t the second one just be called a “sequel”? It’s widely hailed as being the most realistic Bond movie ever… that the action and plot of this film hew more closely to the real world activities of Cold War era spies than any other Bond film.

It’s undoubtedly a classic.

Yet I have to admit it’s my least favorite of the five “good” (DN->YOLT) Connery Bonds.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese or Crap? – “Moonraker”

“Moonraker”

1979

Bond: Roger Moore

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CHEESE

Bond wrestles a huge, fake rubber snake. He gets in a tricked out gondola in Venice that’s part amphibious landing craft. Jaws survives a fall from about 15,000 feet, and a fall from a waterfall from about 150 feet. Bond goes to space. While there, he knocks out the cloaking device on the Villain’s Space Station, and the US responds with a contingent of like, 10 Space Shuttles, each loaded with lasergun equipped spacemarine astronauts, in 3 ½ minutes. In 1976.

Sounds like cheese to me.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese or Crap? – “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”

“On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”

1969

Bond: George Lazenby

Classic, Cheese or Crap?: CRAP

In 1967, Sean Connery “retired” from playing Bond for the first time. After five enormously successful films, the role of James Bond was recast for the very first time.

The new actor? George Lazenby.

The movie? “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”.

The result? Crap.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese or Crap? – “For Your Eyes Only”

“For Your Eyes Only”

1981

Bond: Roger Moore

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CRAP

“For Your Eyes Only” is one of my least favorite Bond films of all time. I recognize that the public views it far more fondly than I, but I can’t get past the fact it commits the cardinal sin for Bond movies.

It’s boring.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese, or Crap? – “Tomorrow Never Dies”

“Tomorrow Never Dies”

1997

Bond: Pierce Brosnan

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CRAP

“Tomorrow Never Dies” is easily my least favorite Brosnan Bond. I will quickly cede that “Die Another Day” is a worse film (I mean, a MUCH worse film), but that movie has such a cheese factor going for it that I enjoy watching it more.

“Tomorrow Never Dies” is a Bond movie that actively irritates me. One of the few in the series that make me mad. There are a handful of quality elements that are wasted here, and then some things that outright poor. And at the end of the day, it takes itself very seriously, so it’s hard to have fun with it.

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese, or Crap? – “You Only Live Twice”

“You Only Live Twice”

1965

Bond: Sean Connery

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CLASSIC

When looking back on “You Only Live Twice” as a modern viewer, it suffers greatly from one factor completely beyond its control.

Austin Powers.

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