Ok, ok, ok, ok…. are you ready? Listenlistenlisten…
Snkkt. Snkkkt. Pbbbt… This is good. This is good.
I have the greatest gag in the world. I’m not even kidding. Real Ken Kesey level, Andy Kaufman, Project Mayhem type shit here. Are you ready? Listen.
Skkkhhht. LOL No seriously…
Go to Walmart or Target. Ok? Or a bike shop or a toy store or someplace ok? And buy… LOL… wait. No, wait. Buy A TRICYCLE HORN. Ok? With me? You know. A tricycle horn. Little ball at the end, you squeak it, you know the thing I mean.
And then smuggle that thing in with you to this movie, ok? Sneak that %$@#er right in. I’m not even kidding, this is BRILLIANT, ok? You OWE me if you do this. I may do this myself for real. Really, If I could stomach sitting through this &#%$ing movie again I would do this, it would kill. SO FUNNY.
Take the trike horn in with you and wait. Don’t worry, there will be PLENTY of chances. WAIT FOR IT. Ok? Give it like three quarters of the movie so that the audience is sitting with their head tilted sideways, depressed, thinking to themselves “Oh God, just @&%#ing shoot me now” (and they will) and then wait until there’s a super dramatic, over written, didactic, unscored, melodramatic, pompous, staid, heavy-handed “Moment” line with a really hyper-dramatic overbearing PAUSE right afterwards. Ok?
There is no way in this physical universe whatsoever that you do not absolutely destroy an entire crowd of people with gut wrenching laughter. You may have victims. People may die. But you would just SLAY. Ok? SLAY.People would laugh for twenty minutes straight, I am not kidding. Tears in their eyes, side-splitting, trouble stopping, full-bore belly laughing. MASS HYSTERIA. You would be the funniest person ever.
I am honestly considering doing this, I think it would be the funniest thing ever in the history of the face of the planet. For real.