What to Expect When You’re Expecting

I was less than 20 minutes into this before I had to fight the urge to claw my eyes out.

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Now showing on cable: “The Green Hornet”

Premiering this weekend on Starz was this January’s buddy comedy/superhero flick, “The Green Hornet”, starring Seth Rogen and Jay Chou.

Rogen stars as Britt Reid, son of a millionaire publishing magnate. When his father passes away suddenly, Reid inherits his father’s newspaper, his mansion and his fortune. However, unbeknownst to him, the most valuable thing he inherits is the service of a skilled martial artist and mechanic who was in his father’s employ… Kato (Chou).

Both hilarity and action ensue.

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Now showing on cable: “Knight and Day”

Premiering this weekend on Cinemax was 2010’s action comedy, “Knight and Day”, starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

Cruise stars as a secret operative who has gone rogue for the sake of protecting an innovative new source of energy and its inventor. Diaz is the single woman he “runs into” at the airport in order to plant something on her and bypass security.

On the nearly empty flight they board, Cruise and Diaz flirt, and sparks obviously fly. However, when Diaz has to excuse herself to go to the restroom, Cruise is attacked by essentially every other person on the plane, including the pilots. Cruise takes all of them out and crash lands the plane in a cornfield. Once they’ve debarked safely, Cruise informs Diaz that her life will be in danger now. He drugs her and returns her safely home, but keeps an eye on her.

When the assassins he predicted do indeed show up to eliminate her, the hijinks ensue.

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Bad Teacher

I have a problem when it comes to watching movies, sometimes. A lot of times, see, I just can’t watch a movie for what it IS without getting caught up in thinking what it could’ve been. Or should’ve been. Perhaps it’s the repressed directorial fantasies I harbor. LOL. Regardless, when I come across a movie like “Bad Teacher” I can’t help getting fixated on “Why didn’t they just”s…

I mean, it’s got a great premise, really, doesn’t it? I can totally imagine the pitch meeting… “Alright, are you ready for this?? Baaad Teeacher!! Huh? Huh?” And I’m in, you know, green light! ‘Cause it sounds fun. Comedy potential galore. There’s certainly enough talent on board, and you’re not going to have any trouble filling the trailer with jokes, so lets do this thing!

And some of that makes its way to the screen, sure. Diaz shows movies in class all day every day and sleeps through them. She openly mocks some of her students, drinks during class, and gets high in the parking lot. Only somewhere along the way, “Bad Teacher” becomes “Bad Co-Worker”. I think in the end, the ratio of time shown with Diaz’s character (Jesus, I just came from the movie and I can’t remember her name. LOL. I could lie right here and look it up, but isn’t it more telling that I can’t even remember the lead characters name 20 minutes after watching the freaking movie?) teaching vs dealing with her fellow teachers and her principal is like, 5 to 1 in the wrong direction. I went in wanting to see the anti “Stand and Deliver”, you know? School of Rock, except the teacher doesn’t give a crap! I asked myself at one point, didn’t anybody involved in this movie ever see “The Bad News Bears”? Just bring it inside for Christ’s sakes! 

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