The Call

The Call

“The Call” features Halle Berry as a 911 Operator who gets involved with a kidnapping in progress and attempts to talk the victim through a series of things she can do in order to help the police track her down.

Surprisingly, it puts together a halfway decent movie for 3/4 of its runtime.

Unfortunately, the final act is a ludicrous, laughable, let down.

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The 2013 Spring Movie Season Preview

spring

YES! We made it through the Winter Movie Season, where Hollywood unloads their junk on us, and now we’re headed into the Spring!

Spring is a time for mini-blockbusters, and movies that Hollywood hopes will have decent runs. Last year, “The Hunger Games” was released in March, for example, and we all saw how well that did!

Click through to see all the movies that this Spring Season has to offer!

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Movie 43

Movie 43

With a handful of funny segments mixed in throughout its lineup of gross-out vignettes, “Movie 43″ isn’t half as bad as I had thought it would be.

Of course, considering that I had expected it to be a sign of the apocalypse, that’s not actually saying much.

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The 2013 Winter Movie Season Preview

Winter

Ok, boys and girls. The Holiday Season is over… and the Spring Season, full of mini Blockbusters, is still months away.

Between now and then lies Hollywood’s dumping ground. The Hollywood fields lie fallow in the winter, bearing little quality product. It’s the two months of the year we need to “Get through”. While January typically offers some limited releases from the prior year going wide, there’s typically little else to get excited over.

Will this year be different? Are there any movies to get excited about these next two months? Let’s take a look at the release slate and see what we’ve got!

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The Ten WORST Bond Girls

As demonstrated in the previous post, Bond girls often add positively to the legacy of the franchise. Whether they’re objects of affection, team-mates or both, the women of 007 are capable of adding so much to the movies that they’re featured in.

Of course, they can also drag on the movie like an albatross.

Yes, unfortunately, over the course of 50 years and 20+ movies you’re going to have more than your share of bad characters and/or bad actresses. Especially when so often – let’s be honest – the actresses are cast due to their looks. Read on to see the ten worst offenders in the Bond Franchise!

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Cloud Atlas

“Cloud Atlas” is multi-layered epic, telling no less than six separate narratives concurrently, each featuring the same characters in different temporal incarnations.

It’s strikingly original, sumptuous to look at, and incredibly ambitious.

It’s also extremely long, mildly incoherent, and not one half as profound as it would like to be.

Certainly it’s a commendable film, but “Cloud Atlas”‘ reach far exceeds its grasp. Respect needs to be paid for aiming so high, and due to its lofty aim, the end result is a high calibre movie. But this film illustrates why more points are awarded for routines with higher levels of difficulty… namely because they’re so much harder to pull off.

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The 2012 Fall Movie Preview – Part II

Ok folks, here we go. Part II of the 2012 Fall Movie Preview. Today we’ll break down all the major releases on tap for the month of October, and the first week of November!

As you might imagine, it’s a diverse bunch. There are some ahead that look intriguing, and some that might as well be announcing that they’re garbage already, LOL. Let’s have a look and see if we can’t sort out what’s what!!

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James Bond: Classic, Cheese, or Crap? – “Die Another Day”

“Die Another Day”

2002

Bond: Pierce Brosnan

Classic, Cheese, or Crap?: CRAP

“Die Another Day” was Pierce Brosnan’s fourth and final Bond film.

Prominently featuring Halle Berry (at her zenith), sporting the latest techniques in special effects, and a themesong by the legendary Madonna, the movie was an enormous success. It grossed over $400 million worldwide.

It was also the moment I knew the Brosnan era needed to come to an end.

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New Year’s Eve

AULD LANG CYANIDE

(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)

Took one last trip into the megaplex                                                                         
Before ’11 up and le-eaves                                                                                           
Told the girl who sold the tickets there                                                                             
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”

I got a soda and I found a seat                                                                                      
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?                                                                          
I really wish that people had more taste.                                                                       
The Descendants! Theatre two!

The movie started and I tried to count                                                                           
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy                                                                                           
I tried my best but I could not keep up                                                                               
I lost track at twenty-five…

Each was stupid and complete nonsense.                                                                    
These things don’t happen in real liiife…                                                                           
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared                                                               
They all laughed, and I just cried.

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.                                                                                    
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…                                                                                
And if you think that sounds like overkill,                                                                        
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!

But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,                                                                        
And I don’t say this in je-est…                                                                                      
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”                                                                           
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!

Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two                                                                         
The movie IS two hours loooong                                                                                   
But if you judged it by my audience,                                                                             
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!                                                
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…

And so the movie was a painful thing                                                                            
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…                                                                                   
It was obvious they didn’t care                                                                                      
But I wanted to scream out!

HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!                                                   
The man was Vito Corleoooone….                                                                                   
But the audience was into it,                                                                                          
My good taste…  made me…  a-lone….

(Sax Outro)

:D HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS :D