The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Director

Ok everybody, here we go!

The Worst Director of 2011! These guys weren’t hamstrung… They had decent budgets, they had big name stars, they had a chance to get it right, and they fumbled it. Each of them turned in work worthy of being labeled “hack”.

Your nominees are: Michael Bay, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon”, Clint Eastwood, “J Edgar”, Jim Sheridan, “Dream House”, Tarsem Singh, “Immortals”, and Zack Snyder, “Sucker Punch”.

Click through to find out which of these five “Won”!

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The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Most Disappointing Movie

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Let the announcement of the winners commence!

Up first? The most disappointing movie of 2011. This is the film with the biggest gap between what we expected of it, and what it delivered. The biggest let down.

Our nominees are “Cars 2″, “Cowboys and Aliens”, “Green Lantern”, “J Edgar”, and “Sucker Punch”.

Click through to see the winner is!

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The 2011 FMR MAJOR Awards: Nominees for most Disappointing Movie

To order our nominee announcement and awards presentation threads over the next couple of weeks here, I decided let’s let the “Worsts” go first, and Ladies before Gentlemen.

Thus I present to you the nominees in our first category for the inaugural FMR MAJOR Awards. The most disappointing movies of the year, all vying to be called “The Biggest Disappointment.”

In order to qualify for this category, the movie first has to have raised some degree of promise or expectation, and then have not lived up to it. “Don’t believe the hype!”

Here are the candidates for “Biggest Disappointment” of 2011.

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J. Edgar

Ok, ok, ok, ok…. are you ready? Listenlistenlisten…

Snkkt. Snkkkt. Pbbbt… This is good. This is good.

I have the greatest gag in the world. I’m not even kidding. Real Ken Kesey level, Andy Kaufman, Project Mayhem type shit here. Are you ready? Listen.

Skkkhhht. LOL :D No seriously…

Go to Walmart or Target. Ok? Or a bike shop or a toy store or someplace ok? And buy… LOL… wait. No, wait. :D Buy A TRICYCLE HORN. Ok? With me? You know. A tricycle horn. Little ball at the end, you squeak it, you know the thing I mean.

And then smuggle that thing in with you to this movie, ok? Sneak that %$@#er right in. I’m not even kidding, this is BRILLIANT, ok? You OWE me if you do this. I may do this myself for real. Really, If I could stomach sitting through this &#%$ing movie again I would do this, it would kill. SO FUNNY.

Take the trike horn in with you and wait. Don’t worry, there will be PLENTY of chances. WAIT FOR IT. Ok? Give it like three quarters of the movie so that the audience is sitting with their head tilted sideways, depressed, thinking to themselves “Oh God, just @&%#ing shoot me now” (and they will) and then wait until there’s a super dramatic, over written, didactic, unscored, melodramatic, pompous, staid, heavy-handed “Moment” line with a really hyper-dramatic overbearing PAUSE right afterwards. Ok?

Right then.

**Sq-kerr!**

There is no way in this physical universe whatsoever that you do not absolutely destroy an entire crowd of people with gut wrenching laughter. You may have victims. People may die. But you would just SLAY. Ok? SLAY.People would laugh for twenty minutes straight, I am not kidding. Tears in their eyes, side-splitting, trouble stopping, full-bore belly laughing. MASS HYSTERIA. You would be the funniest person ever.

I am honestly considering doing this, I think it would be the funniest thing ever in the history of the face of the planet. For real.

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2011 Fall Movie Season Preview

“And I can tell you
My love for you will still be strong
After the movies of summer have gone…”

God. I’ve GOT to stop doing that! Why anybody comes back to this blog when I keep doling out such HAM is beyond me.

It’s true though. The movies of summer have gone. This weekend brings “Don’t be Afraid of the Dark”, “Our Idiot Brother” and “Colombiana”, after which the summer season will be officially deemed closed.

BIG movies begin to come back during the “Holiday Movie Season”, which begins the week before Thanksgiving. This year the Holiday season will kick off with “Happy Feet Two”, “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” and (thankfully) “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” starring Gary Oldman. Once those movies hit, the ball is officially rolling, as Turkey Day weekend itself brings us “The Muppets” and Martin Scorsese’s “Hugo”.

The fall is pretty much the lowest profile time of the year for movies. Blockbusters come out in the Summer, the Holidays, and early March. Oscar contenders are typically released in January to stay fresh in voters minds. With the exception of Halloween, which often brings high-profile horror movies, the fall pretty much has a reputation for being a dumping ground.  

Still, there are movies on my radar (of course). Movies that I’m looking forward to to varying degrees. Click through to see the ten movies I’m looking forward to the most between now and the Holiday Movie Season.

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