Parker

Parker

“Parker” tells the tale of a criminal wronged, and out for revenge. He plans a heist of a heist in order to even the score with those who betrayed him. To accomplish his goal, he has to enlist the help of a beautiful real estate agent.

As interesting as it sounds, somehow the recipe doesn’t entirely come together, and “Parker” can’t put together a second half worthy of its first. Ultimately, it winds up your typical, disappointing January release.

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The 2013 Winter Movie Season Preview

Winter

Ok, boys and girls. The Holiday Season is over… and the Spring Season, full of mini Blockbusters, is still months away.

Between now and then lies Hollywood’s dumping ground. The Hollywood fields lie fallow in the winter, bearing little quality product. It’s the two months of the year we need to “Get through”. While January typically offers some limited releases from the prior year going wide, there’s typically little else to get excited over.

Will this year be different? Are there any movies to get excited about these next two months? Let’s take a look at the release slate and see what we’ve got!

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The Expendables 2

Two years ago, Sylvester Stallone parlayed the momentum of his comeback successes of “Rocky Balboa” and “Rambo” into the start of a new franchise, “The Expendables”. Featuring a virtual who’s who of aging action stars, “The Expendables” dealt up a heaping portion of carnage and camaraderie and proved to be surprisingly enjoyable movie. It was also successful enough to warrant a sequel.

For the return engagement, Stallone recruits additional semi-retired movie heroes (Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris), and expands the roles of pals Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis. But would it be enough to support an already thin concept?

Fear not, “Expendables” fans, “The Expendables 2″ more than delivers on its B-movie promise of bullets, blood, and bromance.

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Safe

Quick! Memorize these numbers!

06434.287.22362135.573

5434644

347

3435+97143

13737343354773936012650812

Now. That’s a trick question. The correct answer should have been “Why the %#$& would I do that?” But that doesn’t stop the Chinese Mafia in “Safe” from utilizing a little girl with Rain Man level math skills from holding their most sensitive data. When she becomes the object of an all out gang war, there’s only one man who can protect her…

Jason Statham.

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Now Showing on Cable: “Gnomeo and Juliet”

Premiering this weekend on Starz was this year’s animated offering, “Gnomeo & Juliet”, featuring the voices of Emily Blunt and James McAvoy.

Two neighboring yards, the Montague’s and the Capulet’s are both littered with Garden Gnomes. The small figurines come to life when no humans are present, and spar with each other over and around the fence which separates the two lawns. The Redbricks and Blueberries are sworn enemies, but Gnomeo, a blue, and Juliet, a red, meet and fall head over heels for each other.

Which leads the movie to explore the time honored question…

“What’s in a Gnome?”

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