The 2013 Spring Movie Season Preview

spring

YES! We made it through the Winter Movie Season, where Hollywood unloads their junk on us, and now we’re headed into the Spring!

Spring is a time for mini-blockbusters, and movies that Hollywood hopes will have decent runs. Last year, “The Hunger Games” was released in March, for example, and we all saw how well that did!

Click through to see all the movies that this Spring Season has to offer!

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The 2012 FMR MAJOR Awards: The Worst Actress Winner

Worst Actress Winner

Worst actress. The leading lady who we scrunched our noses up at the most in 2012.

The nominees are: Drew Barrymore, “Big Miracle”, Ashley Greene, “The Apparition”, Katherine Heigl, “One for the Money”, Mila Jovovich, “Resident Evil: Retribution”, and Kristen Stewart, “Snow White and the Huntsman”.

Premiere Of Warner Bros. "Going The Distance" - Arrivals

Click through to see which of these horrendous actresses won for being the worst!

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The 2012 FMR MAJOR Awards: The Worst Actress Nominees

Worst Actress Nominees

Alright everyone, here we go! The moment you’ve all been waiting for dreading. The worst actresses of 2012. These are the ladies that left our jaws hanging open in disbelief at just how awful they were. The worst female performers of the year!

Click through to she the ladies who were the biggest offenders of 2012!

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The 2012 Fall Movie Preview – Part II

Ok folks, here we go. Part II of the 2012 Fall Movie Preview. Today we’ll break down all the major releases on tap for the month of October, and the first week of November!

As you might imagine, it’s a diverse bunch. There are some ahead that look intriguing, and some that might as well be announcing that they’re garbage already, LOL. Let’s have a look and see if we can’t sort out what’s what!!

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One For the Money

“One for the Money” is the story of a divorced Jersey Girl who’s been fired from her job and facing an impending financial crisis. In order to earn money, she turns to her cousin’s bail bonds business, hoping for a filing job. When she finds out that one of her ex-flames has a large bounty out, what she winds up doing instead is becoming a bounty hunter.

It’s more than a little implausible, as are many, many of the situations within the movie. It’s also clichéd and insubstantial. On the plus side though, it’s lighthearted and doesn’t try to do too much. The result is a flick that isn’t very highly recommendable, but wasn’t exactly painful to sit through, either.

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New Year’s Eve

AULD LANG CYANIDE

(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)

Took one last trip into the megaplex                                                                         
Before ’11 up and le-eaves                                                                                           
Told the girl who sold the tickets there                                                                             
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”

I got a soda and I found a seat                                                                                      
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?                                                                          
I really wish that people had more taste.                                                                       
The Descendants! Theatre two!

The movie started and I tried to count                                                                           
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy                                                                                           
I tried my best but I could not keep up                                                                               
I lost track at twenty-five…

Each was stupid and complete nonsense.                                                                    
These things don’t happen in real liiife…                                                                           
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared                                                               
They all laughed, and I just cried.

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.                                                                                    
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…                                                                                
And if you think that sounds like overkill,                                                                        
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!

But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,                                                                        
And I don’t say this in je-est…                                                                                      
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”                                                                           
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!

Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two                                                                         
The movie IS two hours loooong                                                                                   
But if you judged it by my audience,                                                                             
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!                                                
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…

And so the movie was a painful thing                                                                            
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…                                                                                   
It was obvious they didn’t care                                                                                      
But I wanted to scream out!

HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!                                                   
The man was Vito Corleoooone….                                                                                   
But the audience was into it,                                                                                          
My good taste…  made me…  a-lone….

(Sax Outro)

:D HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS :D