Movies I Want Everyone to See: Into the Night (1985)

Poster 2

Review by Richard Kirkham

“Into the Night” is a film that I recommend for a somewhat narrow range of reasons. Although it is referred to as a comedy, action, thriller, it barely qualifies in each of those categories. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot that is funny about the movie, and there is some action and tension along the way, and what could be more thrilling than seeing Michelle Pfeiffer at the peak of her beauty and charm? The real reason to see this movie however is the tour of Southern California culture from the 1980s that you get along the way. It is a very loose film with some nice sequences and dialogue but as a film it seems to lurch forward and wander around the story at times, but oh what interesting times.

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Dark Shadows

Having never seen the original TV Show, I had no idea what to expect from this film when it was in production. I had heard it was a gothic supernatural soap opera, so when the trailers came out positioning the movie as a comedy, I was surprised…

Well, as it turns out, Director Tim Burton tries to have it both ways and the results are disappointing. The movie certainly does have its share of comedic moments, but it never abandons the Gothic drama. As such the movie “straddles the fence” a little, and that turns out to be a poor choice.

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New Year’s Eve

AULD LANG CYANIDE

(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)

Took one last trip into the megaplex                                                                         
Before ’11 up and le-eaves                                                                                           
Told the girl who sold the tickets there                                                                             
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”

I got a soda and I found a seat                                                                                      
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?                                                                          
I really wish that people had more taste.                                                                       
The Descendants! Theatre two!

The movie started and I tried to count                                                                           
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy                                                                                           
I tried my best but I could not keep up                                                                               
I lost track at twenty-five…

Each was stupid and complete nonsense.                                                                    
These things don’t happen in real liiife…                                                                           
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared                                                               
They all laughed, and I just cried.

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.                                                                                    
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…                                                                                
And if you think that sounds like overkill,                                                                        
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!

But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,                                                                        
And I don’t say this in je-est…                                                                                      
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”                                                                           
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!

Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two                                                                         
The movie IS two hours loooong                                                                                   
But if you judged it by my audience,                                                                             
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!                                                
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…

And so the movie was a painful thing                                                                            
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…                                                                                   
It was obvious they didn’t care                                                                                      
But I wanted to scream out!

HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!                                                   
The man was Vito Corleoooone….                                                                                   
But the audience was into it,                                                                                          
My good taste…  made me…  a-lone….

(Sax Outro)

:D HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS :D