Turbo

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Dreamworks Animation’s latest offering is the story of a snail who dreams of being fast enough to race. Through a freak accident, he’s empowered with speed that allows him to do just that.

It’s a bit of a strange choice for a feature, but DreamWorks is talented enough to turn the story into a mildly entertaining animated film.

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Fast & Furious 6

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So The Rock has to get the Fast and Furious gang together to help him stop this guy who’s stealing… I don’t know, something… but his crew is a bunch of high stakes drivers so The Rock needs Toretto and his crew to help, and Letty is back, but she’s with the bad guys now so they want to save her, and Dom has to like talk her out of it “We’re family” he tells her, but she doesn’t listen at first cause she has amnesia and there’s all kinds of car chases and one of them has a TANK involved and then another time they’re on a runway racing a plane, and Vin Diesel gives this guy a flying headbutt and then he and the Rock are fighting dudes together while Paul Walker and everyone are like racing around underneath the plane engines…

It was awesome. :D

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The 2013 Summer Movie Preview – Part 2

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Ok, everyone, here we go! The second half of the Summer slate for 2013! There’s plenty of big movies in store, and of course, a handful of DOAs.

Click through to check out the second half of this Summer!

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The 2013 Summer Movie Preview – Part 1

Summer

Summer is finally upon us! With this Friday’s release of “Iron Man 3″, the 2013 Summer Movie season officially begins!

The summer season is defined by big budget, high-profile releases, and this summer is no exception. We’ll cover what’s coming out in May and June today, and then look at July and August tomorrow. 

Click through to check out what the first half of Summer, 2013 has in store!

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Resident Evil: Retribution

“Resident Evil: Retribution” is the latest installment in the Paul W.S. Anderson / Milla Jovovich “Resident Evil” series.

I had never seen a “Resident Evil” movie prior to this one. So my review (sadly) will be unable to touch on things like continuity or consistency between films.

I can tell you however that “Resident Evil: Retribution” is a dumbly plotted, horribly acted film laden with ridiculous action sequences and ludicrous creature designs that have a tenuous connection to reality at best. By any objective qualitative measure, this movie fails. It’s poorly scripted, acted, and directed. It is literally laughably bad.

And as such, I loved every minute of it. I can’t wait for the next installment, and intend to catch up on the previous chapters ASAP.

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The 2012 Fall Movie Preview – Part I

With this weekend’s release of “The Expendables 2″ and “ParaNorman”, the summer movie season is pretty much over. One weekend remains in August, and those movies wont have much room to run before school is back in session.

Nope, the season of the big blockbuster is behind us. It’s time to look ahead to the fall.

Not to despair, though, the fall brings sharp movies for the thinking movie fan. Movies which may have more selective box office appeal, but which may be some of the best movies all year.

So click through to take a look at the first part of this year’s fall preview. Today we’ll look at the last week of August, plus September, and then we’ll come back tomorrow with October and the first week of November. Together they’ll take us right up to the start of the Holiday movie season, and the November 9th release of Skyfall!

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Hollywood Mysteries: “Lost”. Are you %#$&ing Kidding Me? Pt. 4

For “LOST” fans, Season Six was the promised land. All would be revealed.

Over the years we had been taken on a journey that included two survivable plane crashes, a fake plane crash, a crashed plane full of heroin, polar bears, baby kidnappers, ghosts, visions, world saving buttons, a cloud of noisy smoke that kills people, cursed numbers, miraculous healing, a phantom “sickness”, a real sickness that kills pregnant women, impossibly linked people, ageless people, a crazy French woman, an ancient four toed statue foot, torture, an inescapable island, a brainwashing chamber, time travel, an ancient wheel device that teleports the island and/or causes time space disruptions, a seeming resurrection, a couple of real resurrections, a magic cabin, a magic temple, this weird device that pinpoints the island with a pendulum, nukes, nerve gas, mysterious jungle gypsies, mysterious science organizations, you %$&#ing name it, this show threw all kinds of crazy shit at us. My list doesn’t even cover everything.

And now it had 18 episodes to explain itself once and for all.

We had been promised answers, and I wanted nothing less.

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Hollywood Mysteries: “Lost”. Are you %#$&ing Kidding Me? Pt. 3

In 2008, after the end of season 3 of “LOST”, all had been forgiven with the show. I didn’t care that the show was answering questions more slowly than a busted morphine drip, I didn’t care that they continued to throw new mysteries at us left and right. Season 3 ended with a mind blowing episode that reminded me (and the rest of “LOST”s audience) just how awesome the show could be when it was on top of its game.

And then… Season 4 happened.

I thought I was upset with episodes that were complete stall jobs? How about entire seasons?

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Hollywood Mysteries: “Lost”. Are you %#$&ing Kidding Me? Pt. 2

I’m pretty sure that the season premiere of “LOST”‘s second season had to have been one of the most highly anticipated season premieres of all time. (The only other I could think of that would be comparable would be the season premiere of “Dallas” after “Who shot J.R.”?) All that summer, people had been crazy debating what was “in the Hatch”, the largest of the cliffhangers at the end of season one. And the viewers showed up for it, too. 23 million viewers tuned in, a huge audience for a modern tv show.

And the producers didn’t let us down. They showed us what was in the hatch alright.

But in doing so, they also also exemplified two of the things that made “LOST” the most frustrating show of all time:

1) Answers to questions only led to more questions.

and

2) When you finally GOT an answer to a question… it was less interesting than the question had been.

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Hollywood Mysteries: “Lost”. Are you %#$&ing Kidding Me?

Oh…. Boy.

Here we go.

Welcome back to Hollywood Mysteries. My essay series where I blow steam about things in Hollywood that confuse me to no end, and probably in all likelihood, piss me off. 

Case in point? “LOST”

This series will run all this week, looking back over the entire run of the series. But don’t worry, I’ve had this in the can for awhile. So those of you who aren’t fans of the show won’t “miss” anything, I’ll still be posting up the exact same content this week I would have, Just with this getting posted up as well.

Now, prior to even launching this, I’m going to give two big warnings before you dive in:

1) Spoilers from this point forward. “LOST” was a show that to a major extent revolved around mystery and the unknown. If you click past the “Continue Reading”s on each post, I’m going to assume you’ve either seen “LOST”, or don’t care to, but want to know what the deal is. Because I will be discussing the series in detail.

2) I like to encourage discussion on this site. I am honestly hoping to build a place where I can post something up about movies and tv and then people can post their thoughts. But on this particular subject, I’m just telling everyone. Even a year later, I am still furious. I am “a racecar in the red”. So since “LOST” fans are split into two camps – those that like and accept the end of the show, and those who feel ripped off… I’m just going to put out the warning. If you want to counterpoint, if you’re one of these happy dappy Cuse/Lindelof sycophants, come big or not at all. Because “I am Superfly TNT, I’m the Guns of the Navarone.”

Let’s get started.

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