The 2011 FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Picture

Drum roll please.

Or in this case, perhaps a de-dum-tum-tsccch rim shot would be more appopriate.

Here we are. The WORST Movie released in 2011. There’s a lot of stinkers. Hollywood will do anything to make a buck. But in these cases, they crossed the line. These movies were laughable attempts at making a “quality” product, they reaked like rotting fish. I wouldnt wish them on you under any cuircumstances.

Your nominees are: “Abduction”, “Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son”, “The Change Up”, “Immortals”, “Jack and Jill”, “Just Go With It”, “New Year’s Eve”, “Priest”, “The Roommate”, and “Season of the Witch”.

The crate please! Wait. What… what’s that sound… why is my desk shaking? The floor? What’s going on? Oh no! It can’t be! It’s… It’s…

Continue reading

New Year’s Eve

AULD LANG CYANIDE

(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)

Took one last trip into the megaplex                                                                         
Before ’11 up and le-eaves                                                                                           
Told the girl who sold the tickets there                                                                             
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”

I got a soda and I found a seat                                                                                      
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?                                                                          
I really wish that people had more taste.                                                                       
The Descendants! Theatre two!

The movie started and I tried to count                                                                           
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy                                                                                           
I tried my best but I could not keep up                                                                               
I lost track at twenty-five…

Each was stupid and complete nonsense.                                                                    
These things don’t happen in real liiife…                                                                           
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared                                                               
They all laughed, and I just cried.

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.                                                                                    
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…                                                                                
And if you think that sounds like overkill,                                                                        
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!

But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,                                                                        
And I don’t say this in je-est…                                                                                      
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”                                                                           
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!

Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two                                                                         
The movie IS two hours loooong                                                                                   
But if you judged it by my audience,                                                                             
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                               
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…

This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!                                                
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…

And so the movie was a painful thing                                                                            
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…                                                                                   
It was obvious they didn’t care                                                                                      
But I wanted to scream out!

HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!                                                   
The man was Vito Corleoooone….                                                                                   
But the audience was into it,                                                                                          
My good taste…  made me…  a-lone….

(Sax Outro)

:D HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS :D

PODCAST!!

Another Episode of the “(Title Pending) Movie Podcast” with Tank & Fogs, and I have to say, this is easily our best yet!

It’s our Holiday Movie Season episode, and we discuss our takes on the movies coming up for release from now through the end of the year.

Including:

“New Years Eve”, “The Sitter”, “Young Adult”, “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked”, “Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows”, “The Adventures of Tintin”, “The Darkest Hour”, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”, “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”, “War Horse”, and “We Bought a Zoo”. PHEW!!

What? Looking for new releases? Well we got you covered there, too! Tank and I discuss “The Descendants”, “Arthur Christmas”, “Hugo” and of course…

“THE MUPPETS!!”

So check it out!! You can download it here or find us on iTunes!

And please remember, if you enjoy our podcast, help us spread the word by recommending it to a friend or friends! Enjoy!