Now Showing on Cable: “The Three Musketeers”

Alexandre Dumas first published “Les Trois Mousquetaires” in 1844. It tells the tale of a young man who travels to Paris in order to join the Musketeers of the Guard, a light cavalry unit charged with protecting the King of France. The tale has become a classic, still widely available in print today, and has seen iterations in nearly every form of media there is; there have been tv shows, radio programs, video games and of course numerous films.

I have to imagine though, if Dumas saw this particular iteration, by Paul W.S. Anderson of “Resident Evil” fame, his thought would be “What the $&#% is this?

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Resident Evil: Retribution

“Resident Evil: Retribution” is the latest installment in the Paul W.S. Anderson / Milla Jovovich “Resident Evil” series.

I had never seen a “Resident Evil” movie prior to this one. So my review (sadly) will be unable to touch on things like continuity or consistency between films.

I can tell you however that “Resident Evil: Retribution” is a dumbly plotted, horribly acted film laden with ridiculous action sequences and ludicrous creature designs that have a tenuous connection to reality at best. By any objective qualitative measure, this movie fails. It’s poorly scripted, acted, and directed. It is literally laughably bad.

And as such, I loved every minute of it. I can’t wait for the next installment, and intend to catch up on the previous chapters ASAP.

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