Ok, everyone, here we go! The second half of the Summer slate for 2013! There’s plenty of big movies in store, and of course, a handful of DOAs.
Click through to check out the second half of this Summer!
No joke. I’m writing this in the computer room cause I don’t want to go back in front of the TV. I want it over, but I need a break. I feel like Rocky getting his ass beat by Clubber in Rocky III. I hadn’t expected these movies would be THIS bad. “He’s strong, he’s too strong…”
I’ve been at this for twelve hours now. TWELVE hours of watching “Twilight”. Whose idea was this anyways? I need to punch someone, but I think it’s me, and I’ve been punched enough today.
Everything is flagging. Towards the end of that last post, I realized I wasn’t even making jokes anymore, I was just summarizing what was going on. I’m seriously dragging myself across the finish line now.
This was a poorly conceived idea, I doubt anyone is still reading along – why the hell would they? Who wants to? What kind of dumb ass would think people would?
But I’m finishing God dammit. I’m finishing… not gonna quit NOW, that would really be dumb. So in I go! One last ^$%&ing Twilight piece of crap to sludge through, let’s get this over with.
My worst fears about these movies have come true. They are neither good nor so bad they’re good (though they do contain relatively frequent, blessed, laughable moments). Bella Swan is a modern-day Helen of Troy, launching a war between vampires, and between werewolves and vampires. She causes two supernatural creatures to fight for her hand, and one sparkly, spineless vampire boy to question his sexual orientation.
WILL anything happen in this movie? WILL Edward man up and take Bella up on the half-dozen offers she’s given him? WILL Taylor Lautner win his war against the oppression of shirts once and for all?
Let’s see. I’m ready, let’s do it, it’s back on! Breaking Dawn, yeah!!! Here we go!
Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you’re never coming round
Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears
Oh. Sorry. Ok. Ready to start another Twilight movie. I’m not gonna lie, this is a challenge. The first two were some putrid stuff. But I’m gonna do it baby! Here we go, Eclipse!! Who’s with me? Lets go!
RIGHT BACK INTO IT! Doubling down! That’s right. Bring it on “Twilight”!
Here’s Stewart’s poetic voiceover to begin “New Moon”:
“These violent delights have violent ends.
And in their triumph, die.
Like Fire and Powder, which, as they kiss, consume.”
Do you think that that bit of awfulness will deter me from forging head? Hell, no!
Purchase! (Thankfully, my cable company is offering these cheaply, I don’t even have to buy any DVDs)
Here we go… Twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight!
Ok, folks, here we are! One of the major movie release seasons of the year is upon us, The Holiday Movie Season!
The Holidays started a little early this year, with “Skyfall” (undeniably a major release) opening in the first week of November. So we’re underway! Between now and the end of the year, we’ll see some of the biggest films on the 2012 docket get released, including the conclusion to the “Twilight” Saga, “The Hobbit”, and “Django Unchained”!
Click through to check out what the Holidays hold in store!
Alright boys and girls. Hold your nose, here it goes.
Time to award the 2011 MAJOR Award for Worst Actor.
These five clowns really disgraced themselves this year. Lackluster efforts, garbagey characters, gawd awful attempts at comedy… each of these hacks gave new meaning to the term “epic fail”.
Your Nominees are: Nicolas Cage, “Season of the Witch”, Taylor Lautner, “Abduction”, Martin Lawrence, “Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son”, and Adam Sandler for “Jack and Jill”, and again for “Just go With It”.
Click continue reading to find out who “Won”!!
Since I started this blog in June, I’ve made every effort to hit at least the biggest release of each week and post up a review before the weekend was over.
This weekend, though, the biggest new release will be “Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 1″ and I wanted to briefly explain why I won’t be reviewing it, and get my plans on the record here.
I’ve never seen a “Twilight” movie. Pre-blog, I used to watch a ton of movies but I had options… if something didn’t appeal to me, I just didn’t go. (I could still do that now of course, but you know what I’m saying). As these films obviously weren’t for me, I stayed away. Simple as that.
Now that I’m blogging though, I do feel a little bad for not “Scouting this out” for people, but I also feel like I need to fill that gaping hole in my pop culture/movie knowledge. So the idea came to me a while back (some of you may have seen this already) to fill that knowledge gap AND have a shameless stunt for the sake of the blog, both at the same time.
All five “Twilight” movies – the entire saga – in one day.