Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2″

Breaking Dawn 2No joke. I’m writing this in the computer room cause I don’t want to go back in front of the TV. I want it over, but I need a break. I feel like Rocky getting his ass beat by Clubber in Rocky III. I hadn’t expected these movies would be THIS bad. “He’s strong, he’s too strong…”

I’ve been at this for twelve hours now. TWELVE hours of watching “Twilight”. Whose idea was this anyways? I need to punch someone, but I think it’s me, and I’ve been punched enough today.

Everything is flagging. Towards the end of that last post, I realized I wasn’t even making jokes anymore, I was just summarizing what was going on. I’m seriously dragging myself across the finish line now.

This was a poorly conceived idea, I doubt anyone is still reading along – why the hell would they? Who wants to? What kind of dumb ass would think people would?

But I’m finishing God dammit. I’m finishing… not gonna quit NOW, that would really be dumb. So in I go! One last ^$%&ing Twilight piece of crap to sludge through, let’s get this over with.

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Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1″

Breaking DawnAlright. Little breather. No joke, this is getting tough. Watching these crappy ass movies, blogging as fast as I can… feeling a little drained here, and I still have two movies left.

My worst fears about these movies have come true. They are neither good nor so bad they’re good (though they do contain relatively frequent, blessed, laughable moments). Bella Swan is a modern-day Helen of Troy, launching a war between vampires, and between werewolves and vampires. She causes two supernatural creatures to fight for her hand, and one sparkly, spineless vampire boy to question his sexual orientation.

WILL anything happen in this movie? WILL Edward man up and take Bella up on the half-dozen offers she’s given him? WILL Taylor Lautner win his war against the oppression of shirts once and for all?

Let’s see. I’m ready, let’s do it, it’s back on! Breaking Dawn, yeah!!! Here we go!

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Too Much Twilight To Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”

TS EclipseTurn around…

Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you’re never coming round

Turn around…

Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

Oh. Sorry. Ok. Ready to start another Twilight movie. I’m not gonna lie, this is a challenge. The first two were some putrid stuff. But I’m gonna do it baby! Here we go, Eclipse!! Who’s with me? Lets go!

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Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

New MoonNew mooooon…
You saw me watching, alo– oh. Sorry.

RIGHT BACK INTO IT! Doubling down! That’s right. Bring it on “Twilight”!

Here’s Stewart’s poetic voiceover to begin “New Moon”:

“These violent delights have violent ends.
And in their triumph, die.
Like Fire and Powder, which, as they kiss, consume.”

Do you think that that bit of awfulness will deter me from forging head? Hell, no!

Read on!

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Too Much Twilight to Take?: “Twilight”

TwilightAlright! Let’s do this thing! I’m strangely pretty pumped up right now, lets bring on the Bella!!

Purchase! (Thankfully, my cable company is offering these cheaply, I don’t even have to buy any DVDs)

Here we go… Twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight!

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Too Much Twilight to Take?: Prologue

TTT

Ok folks. Here we go. I’m about to embark on this… ridiculous stunt epic adventure.

We’re not off to a good start, I overslept by an hour or so in a show of procrastination and protest, but I’m doing it. I’m headin’ right in to start this puppy up. The next time I post here, I’ll have watched my first Twilight movie! Woot!

I did want to quickly say that although I welcome comments and discussion as always (of course), I wont be able to reply right away as I usually do. I’ll be occasionally checking them out as they come in, and circling back tomorrow to be sure I caught them all, but there’s no way I can reply as we go and still get through all five movies, plus an accompanying blog post, in one day! I’m sure you can understand.

Alright! That’s it. I’m going in! Wish me luck, and I’ll see you in a couple of hours with my first post of the day! :D

TTTTHUU2.

Daniel Fogarty