Alright boys and girls. Hold your nose, here it goes.
Time to award the 2011 MAJOR Award for Worst Actor.
These five clowns really disgraced themselves this year. Lackluster efforts, garbagey characters, gawd awful attempts at comedy… each of these hacks gave new meaning to the term “epic fail”.
Your Nominees are: Nicolas Cage, “Season of the Witch”, Taylor Lautner, “Abduction”, Martin Lawrence, “Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son”, and Adam Sandler for “Jack and Jill”, and again for “Just go With It”.
Click continue reading to find out who “Won”!!
TAYLOR LAUTNER – “ABDUCTION”
Is there any other caption possible for that screencap other than “Duh…”?
Ok, let’s address the elephant in the room right up front.
The award is for “Worst Actor”, not for worst character. So for people expecting Sandler to walk away with the Leg Lamp because of “Jill”, or Lawrence because of “Big Momma”, let me tell you something. Those two guys look like they belong in the Royal Shakespeare Company compared to stoneface here.
I’m warning you all now. If this guy continues to get leading roles in major pictures, he may have a lifetime lock on this award, because I cannot imagine someone having less range than this. It’s a common phrase to rag on something like sports or movies by saying, “Cmon! I could do better than that!” In this case, it’s true. I am willing to bet that every single reader of this post could act better than Lautner can. Run and do sit ups and whatnot? Probably not. But act? 100% of you are more talented.
There is just NO expression. NOTHING. If it ever comes out that this guy was a scientific experiment – signed over at birth in order to research the lifelong effects of Botox on aging (at the cost of facial muscle development) – I will shout out, “I KNEW IT!!” His forehead doesn’t move… if he gave you the Zidane style headbutt he would drive your broken sternum through your heart and kill you dead.
Look, I didn’t expect him to be good or anything, but going in to this (having never seen Twilight) I had no idea. I mean, “Abduction” is an action movie. I’ve watched action movies starring Steven Seagal for years. The bar is not that high. But he doesn’t even try to jump it. He just runs right through those hurdles.
I found myself wondering, “How many takes/coaching tips, etc, did it take before the director gave up for the entire movie?” and “Did his costars ask for other people to read with when they shot their over shoulder closeups?” His character is pretty non-descript. Just a kid (well, trained by being beaten by his Dad regularly) put in an on the run situation. He didn’t exactly need to find any emotional places or anything… just react naturally to events going on around him.
(Director, off camera) “No, that was a gunshot Taylor, you should be scared now, ok? Action! No, cut. SCARED Taylor. Ok? They’re firing a GUN, ok? Action! CUT! Taylor… you’re giving me the same look you did last scene when I asked you to flirt with Lily, remember? Its different now, you have to… make your face look different. Its called ‘Acting’. You ready big guy? Ok? Action!! *sigh*… Ok, perfect, cut. That’s a wrap for today people.”
Look, the other guys were no saints, either. Cage practically checked his watch during “Season of the Witch”, so did Sandler in “Just Go With It”. But at least that’s better than subjecting us to “Jill”, like he did in “Jack and Jill”. But hey, still, at least he’s only done it once… Lawrence just inflicted “Big Momma” on us for his third time!
But they’re all off the hook when Lautner’s around. I’m convinced I could peg him in the forehead with a rubber band and he wouldn’t flinch.
The FMR MAJOR Award Winner for Worst Actor for 2011.
What do you think people? Think Sandler got away with one? Are we going to look back on this as the year he got jobbed out of the Lamp that was rightfully his? How about the other guys? Think Nic Cage deserved it more? Let’s hear what you have to say! 😀