What to Expect When You’re Expecting

I was less than 20 minutes into this before I had to fight the urge to claw my eyes out.

I don’t know why I did this to myself. I mean, I’m my own boss here, no one gave me an assignment, no one is telling me what to do… it’s my blog. We all know I’m a shameless hit whore (Seriously, if a car full of page-views rolled up on my corner, you know I’m leaning in that window goin’, “Hey Baby” …), but have I sunk to this?

If you’ve been pregnant and want to look back and laugh, or if you’re a girl or woman who fantasizes about being a mom one day and dreams of being pregnant, then this movie may hold something for you. Aside from that, I can’t imagine a single person on earth that would want to subject themselves to this. Not even movie bloggers, take it from me, it is not worth whatever traffic you think you’d get for posting about it.

No less than 17 couples get pregnant at exactly the same time via the magic of Hollywood, and the movie follows all of the pregnancies (or adoption process in one case) in order to give a good cross-section of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, which apparently is: Moodiness, irritability, discomfort, extreme flatulation, frequent urination, back pain, etc… unless of course you’re Brooklyn Decker, who doesn’t get fat or feel discomfort at any point in time, even during delivery, even though she’s carrying twins. If you’re a man, apparently what you should expect is to kiss your penis goodbye altogether, because having a baby means you have no life, no fun, no freewill, no hope, and no manhood.

This is a movie that combines all the vapidity of one of those “Cavalcade of Stars” rom-coms like “Valentine’s Day” and “New Year’s Eve” with the inherent entertainment value of pregnancy. It’s a recipe for an excruciating time even if done right, but it’s not. It’s actually an exercise in reinforcing stereotypes in the worst way. It’s a romantic comedy that’s unencumbered by romance or comedy and instead composed of two hours of belabored labor jokes, bemoaning women and neutered men. The “Dude’s Group” spend the entire movie bitching about having to watch their penises shrivel off, and shamelessly grovel at the feet of Joe Manganiello because he’s still single and playing the field. But then in a single second they completely flip the script at the end and claim fatherhood is the best thing that ever happened to them. Similarly, for the women, it’s completely based on the experience of pregnancy, I don’t think any of these people even talk about wanting to be parents at all, they’re all just going through a pregnancy. 

If you’re looking for a funny movie? Pass. Ok? However, if you’re looking to see Elizabeth Banks rip a deadly fart and blame it on her fetus, this is the movie for you. If you want to see a movie that has humor revolving around fathers of babies (because those trailers DID prominently push the “Dude’s Group”)? Pass. Ok? However, if you want to watch Cameron Diaz and her baby daddy bicker over whether or not they should circumcise their child, this is the movie for you.

I could write more, but you get the point. This movie is exclusively for moms or expectant moms, and even then I would recommend they take a pass because it’s not very good. It’s wrapped up in clichés, soaked in “hollywood trite” perfume, and completely short sells the worth and reasons for having children to begin with.



36 thoughts on “What to Expect When You’re Expecting

    • Puns. Funny.

      I dont know what I was expecting. Probably this, that I’d hate it. I’m sure in all the “Previews” shit I did that I’m well on the record as not looking forward to it, but still. I wasn’t prepared for the pain.

  1. How about Pettitte last night? Great rebound from his first start, and the Reds are a pretty good offensive team. Not a Yankees fan here, but you gotta tip the hat.

  2. I laughed at the trailer when it said big name actors and then I saw who was in it. Where were the big name actors? Jennifer Lopez? Can she really act? Cameron Diaz? That’s a funny one. Chris Rock is the only one I’d give any credit to because he is usually funny as a co-star. Dennis Quaid must be getting desperate for money.

    • Dude, they showed 95% of the “Dude’s Group” segments IN THE TRAILER. Literally, if you take those clips, you’re maybe adding another three minutes of footage in order to make up the parts in the movie. And yet they knew enough to promote that stuff front and center or they’d never get any men to go.

      I hope that guys getting dragged by wives and dates can hold the line and not get dragged in…

  3. Ha, I think I called it based on the trailer alone. Especially the dude group. That’s one reason why I like being a genre movie site – every single movie on my list with very few exceptions are movies that I *want* to see. And even the others, like Catwoman or My Super Ex-Girlfriend, I’m sure I’ll find a way to enjoy it one way or another.

      • Oh yeah, I also wanted to comment on one other thing “No less than 17 couples get pregnant at the same time via the magic of Hollywood” I have only 38 close friends and family on my personal Facebook account. 6 of them are either in their third trimester or have just had a baby in the past couple weeks. That’s no Hollywood baby magic.

      • Well, I’d say you’re the exception to the rule, but whatever. This is one of those all of these people’s lives briefly intersect type stupid flicks… you know the ones. And it’s probably not 17, I should count that. It just felt like 17. It was probably only 12, 13.

  4. I actually didn’t hate this as much but I can definitely see why so many people would. It’s not as bad as some of Gary Marshall’s ensemble flicks though, right? I guess I’m just trying to convince myself otherwise. Great review anyway Fogs.

    • Thanks Dan. Must have mised the fact that you reviewed it, although I dont read other reviews until I do mine. Anyways, I’ll be swinging by to check your review out soon, you’re the company my misery has been waiting for.

  5. So sorry you endured this, Fogs. Sounds like complete drek. The trailer was a groaner – has this genre (babies wise, not cast of thousands wise) ever successful?

    • I dont know… the original “Look Who’s Talking”? “Three Men and a Baby”?

      You’d think they SHOULD be a goldmine, right? I mean, babes are so cute… but you’re right, they never work out well on screen for whatever reason.

      • This got me thinking… pregnancy just shouldn’t be THE subject in a high concept ‘on the nose’ way – it is not a comedy goldmine, though Lord knows they’ve tried. Even thinking about the trailers of She’s Having A Baby or that one with Julianne Moore and Hugh Grant are making me queasy. But I’ve got two intriguing titles to toss out there: Juno and Rosemary’s Baby.

      • Well… obviously Rosemary’s Baby isn’t a comedy. LOL. Great flick though, of course.

        Juno was ok, I liked it. It gets a lot of backlash that I dont think it deserves just because Diablo Cody won the Oscar for best screenplay…

  6. I saw an advert for this on the side of a bus and instantly knew it’d be terrible.

    The main question is, who decided basing a film off a pregnancy guidebook was a good idea?

  7. Poor thing. Well, thank you for taking one for the team. Just think about all the people you are saving from this review. Hey, you saved me $12. Thank you, great sir. I tip my hat to you.

  8. I’d say “thanks for taking one for the team” here, but you and I both know there was no chance in hell I was going to watch this movie anyway. So… “thanks for providing me with entertainment through your abject misery and suffering.” 😛

  9. In fairness, sounds like they stayed true to the “source material”….. there is a lot of farting in the book too. Lol. (yes, I read it….. ummm 21 years ago)

    But, no, I have no desire to see the movie!

    • I’m betting the source material is actually funnier. LOL

      I dunno. If you can relate to the material better than I can, perhaps there’s more funny to be found. I was TUNED OUT though… this was not for me!

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