All this week, I’ve been laying out the positive attributes of the entire field of nominees in every category I’ve been nominated in.
It’s unfortunate today that I have to shift gears and bring you the painful truth that… aside from myself… none of the other nominees in this category are funny at all.
I don’t know what to say. Perhaps it’s the preponderance of pensive pundits that populate the Lamb pen… but whatever it is, this is a droll, humorless bunch. The nominators really $#%&ed this one up.
In the past week or so, my “Unfunniest Lamb Study Commission” has uncovered the shocking truth. The inside story of the rampant bribery, vote tampering, gerrymandering and fraud that was perpetuated in the “Funniest Lamb” category that – aside from myself – resulted in five painfully unfunny blogs being nominated.
Invasion of the B Movies is the blog of Jason Soto, who is a self-professed fan of cheesey B Movies and bad Horror Films. Except his tone is incredibly inconsistent. He cites his favorite movie as “The English Patient”, and frequently reviews serious classics. Check out his essay on “Schindler’s List” here.
Things get worse, however, as he’s a contributor to “Man I Love Films”, a condition I like to refer to as being assimilated by the Borg (see below). The most shocking fact that I uncovered during my investigation, however, is below. Look at Jason’s author profile. Seriously? Michael Bolton? That’s probably the scariest thing about this “Horror Blogger”.
I can’t even get past the banner. what’s so funny about any of those guys? Those are some icons of machismo right there. Where’s the funny? I’m lost.
But I think the most conclusive proof that Aiden is unfunny is that he won last year’s Lammy for “Best Reviewer”.
I mean, how can a person win Best Reviewer and be Funniest at the same time?
Oh wait, on second thought, forget I even brought that up.
I’ve just met John, the blogger behind “The Droid You’re Looking For”, and he seems like a nice guy. Which is why it saddens me to, you know, call it like I see it for the sake of Lammy voters.
The main claim to “TDYLF” is that he does a lot of photoshopping involving the Star Wars droids. The “Unfunniest Lamb Study commission” has uncovered some details surrounding this obsession, and it turns out that his parents began dressing him as C3PO at an early age. Unfortunately, it’s not a habit he grew out of, and now it’s borderline fetishistic.
It’s really a little sad that Markus Welby of “Green People Soup” decided to turn to negative campaigning on twitter this last week. I like Markus, and there are times when he’s had some funny moments.
But he crossed the line more than a few times this week, and I have the irrefutable proof for you all to see.
I tried to reach “Sir Phobos” for comment, in order to present a fair and balanced look at the GPS site… it IS more than one contributor. Or so I thought. The shocking truth is that Phobos is a Kuato-like creature that emerges from Welby’s torso during a disturbing transition that GPS refers to as “Sexy Time”.
It’s a disturbing truth that the “Unfunniest Lamb Study Commission” had a duty to expose.
I’m just going to say what everyone already knows about “Man I Love Films”.
Like South Park’s Trapper Keeper, Kai and Dylan’s mission is to assemble a crew of bloggers so large that not only do they no longer need to blog themselves anymore (a mission they already stand on the precipice of completing), but that there are no other blogs remaining to challenge their supremacy.
I would go into a detailed break down of why they’re not funny, as I did with the other nominees… but seeing as their greatest claim to being a funny blog is the fact that they get contributions from the staff of Invasion of the B Movies and Green People Soup, both of whom I have conclusively proven to be unfunny already, I think my work here is done.
Perhaps it was the time I advocated smuggling tricycle horns into “J. Edgar”.
Or when I embedded a Gwar video in my review of “War Horse“.
Maybe you enjoy my more comedic posts, such as my Awesomely Awful series (where I spent thousands upon thousands of words extolling the virtues of movies such as “Troll 2”, “Rock and Roll Nightmare” and “Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch”, or My “Cheese-tastic Classics”, where I give dissertations on the greatness of such cheesey fare as “Roadhouse”, “Face-Off” and “Bloodsport”. Perhaps you’re a fan of this week’s “Nom or Lammy” as performed by myself and my (title pending) co-host Chris Tanski.
I think that there’s a subtle sense of humor in every piece that I do. I’ve got tons of positive feedback on how hilarious this MTESS was for example.
Whichever element of my humor content you prefer, I think that people frequently have fun here, get a lot of laughs, and generally have a good time. Unlike the blogs of some of these other candidates, who – sadly – leave readers with a sour taste in their mouths….