Scary Movie 5

Scary Movie 5

“Scary Movie 5” is a pathetic, pitiable attempt at a comedy. I honestly felt sorry at times for its producers and participants. This film is an embarrassment.

It’s a hollow shell of its predecessors in this once mediocre franchise.

As with the prior installments in the “Scary Movie” franchise, “Scary Movie 5” is a spoof movie, stringing together a series of scenes which mock other recent films, without any seeming rhyme or reason. In this particular case, we’re given skits involving the completely unrelated films “Mama”, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”, “Black Swan”, “Evil Dead”, “Paranormal Activity 4”, and “Inception”. Several of those films are already old news. “Apes”, “Black Swan” and “Inception”, particularly, are all at least two years old or older. Not that there’s any sense in the rationale behind the selections anyways, but selecting films that have been out of theaters so long gives audiences one more reason to feel that this movie is “tired”.

Not that they’ll need another one. It’s painfully obvious that this series is running on fumes. With a ninety minute runtime, and a film that throws jokes at the audience as quickly as it can, I still only found maybe… maybe… two or three things to be mildly humorous. I know I certainly didn’t laugh. The humor here is absolutely abysmal. Apparently the franchise has devolved from parody into pratfalls and potty humor, as a good percentage of the film is dedicated to people getting hit in the head or kicked in the crotch or sitting on the toilet, farting, apes flinging feces, etc. What parody elements they do have certainly aren’t clever in any regard, either. Jokes routinely fall completely flat, and we’re left to wonder how anyone believed how any of this would ever be found funny.

But wait! There’s more! The lifeless material found within is delivered by a terribly unfunny cast. Ashley Tisdale is a far cry from Anna Faris in the lead; she simply doesn’t have an ounce of funny in her. Joining her is Simon Rex, who I’ve never seen in anything else and now I know why. Erica Ash confuses being funny with being loud as Tisdale’s friend/understudy. Backing these three in the onslaught of awfulness are a collection of comedic castoffs. Katt Williams, Terry Crews, Snoop Dogg, Mike Tyson and a couple of slumming SNL alums (Molly Shannon and Darrell Hammond) all show up to demonstrate just how slim their career opportunities are. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan’s scene was the high point of the movie for me, and I thought it was terrible.

It all adds up to one of the dumbest, most boring, most lifeless comedies you’d ever hope not to have to see.

In all honesty, if you found this movie funny, please don’t tell anyone. Seriously, I’m trying to help, it’s not the type of thing that reflects well on a person.



92 thoughts on “Scary Movie 5

    • LOL. That’s cause it WAS bad. 😀

      I’m with you, I kind of liked a couple of these. Even three, to an extent. But they were never great or anything, and now they’re just… worn out. This one isnt even of the same quality as those anyways, so it’s a double whammy. 😦

  1. LOL Classic review, Fogs! This trend needs to stop now. Judging by the box office, maybe general audiences have taken note that this is a waste of time and money for everyone involved. It just makes me mad that trash like this gets wide release while more artistically worthwhile films are stuck in limited.

    • Heh. Thanks Blain. This movie deserved every ounce of the beating I gave it.

      It’s true, it reflects really badly on the taste of the general public. I had to drive out of town to catch “Place Beyond the Pines”, but this one opened everywhere 🙄

      This was significantly worse than the rest of the series… Let’s hope they stop one of these days at least.

      • Place Beyond The Pines was the film I went to see. It was really good; I just wish we got more Luke. Ryan Gosling is just amazing, the way he can make you empathize with his characters. It sucks for us he’s taking a break from acting; maybe he’s tired of the industry and the way all the crappy mainstream movies always take precedence over the quality types of films that he likes to do and gets lesser recognition for.

  2. Taking one for the team again! I have never seen any of the Scary Movie franchise and I don’t ever intend to…but your review made me happy and laugh at the movie without having to experience it! 🙂 Awesomeness!

    • LOL. Glad you enjoyed it Kim. I honestly think that the review is funnier than the movie was anyways. 🙄

      The first couple are actually alright. By the time you get to the 5th in a series though, what’s left? 😦

  3. Hi, Fogs:

    Welcome to the “same thing, only different” low budget, throw it against the wall and see what sticks world of franchised crappy movies that should have died three films earlier!

    You need to slow down. Lest we begin to notice pronounced signs of Masochistic tendencies.

    • It’s true. I makes me wonder how we can stop them. LOL. I mean, this movie would have to open well under $10 million for it to flop… and I just dont see it happening.

      Meanwhile, I thought my masochistic tendencies were plainly on display! Maybe I’m not trying hard enough…. 😀 Thats why half my readers come here anyways, Jack! To watch me suffer 😉

  4. I had no intention of ever watching this. The entire Scary Movie film series is pretty awful. There was some laughs in the first one, but after that it’s been garbage all the way down. This movie flopped so hopefully this is the end.

    • Yeah, unfortunately, it didnt bomb hard enough. $15mil on a $20 mil budget means it will turn a profit domestically. 😦 Even given consecutive 50% drops, they’ll break $25 mil in their first three weeks. So, they may continue it on, who knows.

      I think you’re wise to steer clear, Mark. Unless you’re in it to watch a train wreck, there’s nothing of value here at all.

    • No.

      Here’s why. “A Haunted House” was unfunny AND offensive. The humor they use in that movie was ten times more vulgar. Racist humor, sexual humor, jokes involving all matter of human bodily waste and fluids… It wound up being disgusting and appalling at times in addition to not being funny.

      For the most part, Scary Movie 5 is just unfunny. Not that it doesn’t have its share of disgusting stuff, but it’s nothing compared to “A Haunted House” 😯

      • Good to hear! I don’t think I’d be able to sit through something like A Haunted House again. I think I will give this one a go just to have something to slag off. lol

    • I dont know about the previous installments (although obviously they made enough to warrant sequels in somebodies opinion), but this one just opened to $15mil. Which is pretty lame, except when you consider it only cost $20 mil to make. So… it’ll turn a profit, but definitely not a massive one or anything. 😦

  5. It wasn’t surprising that the film flopped as I know the comedy feels forced and out-of-step with everything else as if it was helmed by those dickwads in Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Those guys lowered the bar for spoof films to the point that it doesn’t even become a film but rather a tele-visual version of Chinese water torture. Adding Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen is just a desperate attempt for attention yet it won’t work as Lohan is already living her final seconds in her 15 minutes of fame.

    • Ohhhhh, Lindsay’s always going to be the queen of the tabloids. She’s not going anywhere. I think she could be 60 and the press would still be dogging her. 🙄

      Its true that including her here was a desperate ploy for attention though. Sad thing is is that she and Sheen were the best part of the movie! (Note: That’s not saying much)

      It was awful, Nin, awful. You can’t “lower the bar” any worse than this, let me tell you…

  6. No wonder Fernando put Anna Farris in jail in the latest blogathon thing, but I think they should jail the filmmaker and studio who did this awful franchise!! “It’s painfully obvious that this series is running on fumes” Yeah, clearly. I’ll never spend money on this and similar franchise like the parody movies, I just don’t find it even remotely funny.

    • It’s not you, Ruth, trust me. LOL. Although, obviously “Airplane!” was a parody movie, and the “Naked Gun” movies were as well, so it can be done if the talent is there. The problem is, they became so easy to churn out and cash in on that the quality of them just fell right through the florr 😦 This is the latest and one of the worst examples.

      • Oh I actually like Airplane! and Naked Gun, but you’re right it’s because Leslie Nielsen is a hoot and the dialog is actually funny. I wish they’d stop making movies like this but I guess that’s just wishful thinking in our part 😦

  7. Sorry. I laughed a lot during this. You either get the jokes or you don’t. I did. Granted there were too many “shit” jokes and a couple had their punchlines telegraphed ahead of time but I really enjoyed it. You gave it a flush, I gave it a stamp.

    • Al, you’re entitled to your opinion, of course.

      But… seriously, you’re not implying that I didn’t “get” the jokes are you? That, you know, they went over my head? 😯 “You either get the jokes or you don’t.” I “got” them. They just sucked.

      I have no worries on this one, VERY comfortable in my stance.

      • Wait, Fog didn’t get the jokes!! Ohhhhhh, THAT is why he hated it! LOL. I’m sure they flew over your head; you have to be really intelligent to pick up on those brilliantly written subtleties! lol. Critics have stated this is a film you must watch many times to pick up on all the intricate elements and complex layerings. I’m still baffled by the conclusion and events leading up!!

  8. I remember buying the first Scary Movie, sight unseen, because it was supposed to be funny. I hated it. The humor was so crude that it is the only movie I’ve ever tossed into the trash. I never saw another in the franchise. I was not about to start with number 5.

  9. Thanks for the warning!
    I saw episodes 1, 2 and 3.
    Probably on cable.
    Late night.
    When I was too tired to change the channel.
    And the remote was out of batteries.

    That happens to me more often than I’d like to admit. But it sounds like i should invest in some batteries to keep with me at all times just in case this one pops up on my screen!

    I’m also noticing that several of the films they’re spoofing, in addition to being old, aren’t even horror films to begin with. I guess that people can make a case for Black Swan, but Inception and ROTPOTA? I don’t see anything scary about them!

    • Exactly. I suppose “RotPoA” could be classified as horror… maybe. Probably better as Sci Fi though. Anyways, old, unrelated, and like you said, not really scary (though “Black Swan” had its moments, LOL)

      If your remote runs out of batteries and this one comes on, buddy? Get up and change the channel. LOL No matter HOW late it is!

    • LOL. Got a bit of a masochistic streak in you, eh, Mikey? 😀 Heh. That’s ok. If you’re heading into it that way, you’ll get what you’re looking for.

      Just dont say I didn’t warn you! 😉

    • Mikey, it did have some funny parts; go in with low expectations and you might like it okay.

      I thought it was funny when Ashley Tisdale brought her lunch to ballet rehearsal and she opened her container and it was a single cheerio. lol. I just think corny stuff like that is humorous; and then she went into the bathroom and threw it up! LOL.

      If you think that sounds funny Mikey, then you may like the film okay, but if you think that sounds terrible then I wouldn’t waste your time.

      Fogs, you didn’t think it was funny when she threw up her cheerio? lol. Or was that a scene you got mad at, too?

  10. Only one I’ve liked in this franchise was the first one. It was freshly funny, the rest have been turrible (Charles Barkley head shake). I’m kinda surprised you saw it in theaters. Did you ask for your money back? 🙂

    • No, no. Can’t do that.

      I learned early on that skipping shitty movies makes you seem as if you like everything that comes out. So now I see everything (or as close to it as I can) no matter how good I anticipate it will be. 😯

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