Piranha 3DD

Here’s the best thing about Piranha 3DD.

It practically comes with a warning label.

Between the title and that poster it is absolutely scaring away or driving off any people who would potentially… I dont know, stagger into the theatre by accident. I don’t see any old ladies taking way too long to buy a ticket staring at the showtime listings asking the cashier “W-what’s that Piranha 3DD about?” I don’t see any families with young kids with little Billy saying excitedly, “Mommy, Mommy, Piranha 3DD!! Piranha 3DD!!” and then the mom answering, “Is that what you want to see? Oh ok…” LOL

No, between the marketing and the previous movie, I do believe that the only people who will check this movie out are people who will enjoy seeing a CGI Piranha chomp onto someone’s penis, or enjoy slow motion silicone shaking shots, or get a kick out of David Hasslehoff mocking himself.  

If you’re one of those people? “Piranha 3DD” is the movie for you.

“Piranha 3DD” isn’t a “so bad it’s good” movie, they intended this movie to be this way. Thus, it’s “camp”. We’re not dealing with a horror movie, it’s a comedy.

This time, the CGI carnivorous Characidaes are after a water park, owned and operated by David Koechner (Champ from Anchorman) in a suitably skeevy manner. His high concept is to run the park as half family entertainment, half adult entertainment, with a cordoned off “Adult” pool area that there isnt enough chlorine in the world to sanitize. He ships in strippers by the busload, hires them as lifguards, sets up a stripper pole, condom machine, etc. It’s a strip club you can swim in essentially.

Meanwhile his step-daughter and all of her friends hang around and talk about sex until they can get eaten when the fish come.

And the fish do come. There’s some nonsensical mumbo-jumbo about the pool drilling a well that connected to an underground river or something, and then the piranha are reportedly attraced to chemicals like chlorine, etc etc, whatever, no one is watching this movie for zoology class. What they are watching it for is to see people get chomped up and screaming and sillyness and pointlessly interjected topless shots. In that regard, the movie succeeds to an extent.

The movie features cameos and/or small roles from Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff and Ving Rhames, and a couple of them are really very funny. Lloyd is surprisingly enthusiastic about his role, and still packs that zany charisma that put him on the map. Hasselhoff pretty much steals the show with his self-depricating turn as himself here. There’s moments when I felt bad that Marcellus Wallace has been reduced to this, but Rhames’s character’s brief appearance has some entertaining moments as well.

“Piranha 3DD” knows what its doing, and does a pretty good job at it. There are plenty of funny moments scattered throughout, and some of the actors brought a level of humor to the film that’s probably above its script. But it’s not as good as its predecessor by a long sight, and I think that’s due to the whole “Extreme” factor. You know, everything has to be bigger and raunchier and even more offensive. Not that its predecessor was any shining example of subtlety, but “Piranha 3D” got the mix between camp, crass, and serious moments much better. Not that’s its a cinematic classic or anything, but it seemed to stir the drink with a little more skill.

Nonetheless, everyone who actually watches this will know exactly why they’re tuning in, and this movie wont disappoint those people… at least not greatly.

B-

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23 thoughts on “Piranha 3DD

  1. haha. This didn’t release in my local theaters this weekend. But I’ve got no heartburn over it. I am pleased to see someone review it though as the type of movie it is and not try to compare it to the likes of Inception or The Avengers. It’s different and you don’t knock anything off of it for that.

    But, I wasn’t expecting a B for sure. I was hoping for a DD perhaps! haha.

  2. Fogs, it sounds like you and I both got exactly what we were supposed to out of the movie. There were so many great lines, and the campiness was so over the top it was impossible not to laugh.

    I too didn’t get to see anyone clamoring for a chance to see the movie, but what I did get was a local “critic” passed out sleeping in his seat when I got to the theater 5 mins before the movie started…and he was there by himself.

      • Yep, I did…it was pretty damn funny. He woke up right around the opening previews, turned around and said he didn’t even hear me come in.

    • What? What? “Funniest Lammie” did you say? LOL :D Thanks Ian… there’s almost no point in reviewing movies like this if you cant goof around with ‘em you know?

  3. This film didn’t release here in WA, but it was one I actually really wanted to see. I absolutely LOVED the original and while I doubt it’s as good as the original, I’m glad to see it’s at least halfway decent

  4. Well, I wasn’t planning on checking this out, but I’m glad to hear it at least delivers on what it promises. :D Of course, I had a feeling that this film would be up for a “most honest marketing” award if such were given out. Can’t say it wasn’t rather blatant about what it was selling.

    • Which is good though.

      Like if they tried to market this as a more traditional horror movie, and turned it into THIS level of camp? That’s just not right.

      So at the very least it lets us reviewers off by allowing us to say things (like I said) “Hey, at least you know what you’re getting into going in”. LOL

      • Exactly. I may not have much interest in seeing this movie — except perhaps as a Morbid Curiosity Files candidate — but I applaud them for their honesty.

    • Yeah man, that’s what it’s all about. Stopped by your review, and we do see eye to eye on this one in a lot of ways…

      But man… I caught this at home on VOD! I cant see undertaking a pilgrimage to check it out!! LOL :D

      Good on you though, thats fun, man. :)

  5. If you don’t know what to expect from this movie that would be the only thing that would disappoint. After seeing the trailer I knew exactly what this movie was aiming to accomplish. I guess that’s why you would give it an okay grade, but I still couldn’t bring myself to see this.

    • Yeah, there’s a part of me that appreciates silly shit like this. Even WITH that though, it didnt max out the potential that it could have had. Priranha 3, its predecessor was great camp. This was more just… ok in that regard.

      It had moments that make you laugh, though.

    • No man, it’s cool.

      Trust me, I love when people drop comments, no matter when.

      This review is just up! People circle back to old reviews here a lot when theyve had the chance finally to see a movie on cable or DVD so, this is still fresh as a daisy Tim.

      If you enjoy the type of movie that you know its gonna be? LOL Then its alright.

      Not recommended for the unintiated, though.

  6. I went in expecting a Piranha movie, like the original, but I just got something that felt like it should have been bought out of the bargain bin at Wal Mart. Really, this movie was total shit man! Good review though man.

    • DAANNNN!!!

      LOL!!! That was funny man. I’m not going to DENY your comment. Instead I’ll flip it, and say that that added to its charm for me. It absolutely was like a SyFy original, wasn’t it? LOL…

  7. On Adam Corolla’s podcast, apparently he asked David Koechner how Pirahna 3DD was and Koechner’s reply was, “I have kids and a mortgage”. Burn.

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